Happy 1st Birthday, Roua!

Last weekend we celebrated our Roua baby’s 1^st birthday! It was a beautiful day, joyous and heartwarming. All our friends were content and happy, as were we and Roua seemed to be as well. It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, perfect summer weather for a garden sourdough pizza party! 

I ended up making 8 pizzas, just as I had planned! Go Penny! I had fed Penny a few days before, mixed the dough and then just started cranking out pizzas on the morning of Roua’s bday. It worked out really well with the timing, and with a few friends coming later, I was able to take a break and enjoy the party, making the last two pizzas in the evening. 

I had made a few chanterelle pizzas with creme fraiche and chives from the garden. The chanterelles we had harvested a few autumns ago in the mountains across from our house. I had rehydrated them and they were just as delicious. The other pizzas varied, margarita with just tomato sauce and basil from my potted basil, then a veggie pizza with summer veggies of courgette (zucchini), aubergine (eggplant), onions and garlic, always garlic, can’t forget the garlic! They were topped with parmesan cheese and mozzarella and emmentel cheeses. One pizza had just onions and garlic and parmesan,  and it was delicious too. Overall, I received good compliments about the pizzas, mostly at how tasty the dough was. Thank you Penny! Roua thoroughly enjoyed her slices of pizzas too! 

Celebrating Roua brought friends from near and far. Our neighbors down by the bridge who also have a little baby were not able to join since they had another party to attend, but Dorian made an appearance and gifted Roua a drawing he had made of her the other day when she was over playing at their house. It was a beautiful piece of art and on the back, Lolita had written the sweetest messsage for Roua. Jorris' and my heart melted. Dorian stayed for a drink and then had to run, but his presence and their present for Roua was so touching. 

From far our friends from Digne came. Lise, Roua’s American bestie and her mama, Hilary, my American bestie and Papa Franck came. Lise had also just turned 1 two days before Roua! We were in the same birth preparation class with the same midwife. It’s been so wonderful and healing to have an American bestie like Hilary to write to and talk with, sharing in the experiences of Motherhood together. I am so grateful the Universe brought us together. 

After a delicious lunch including various salads from our guests, it was time for cake. I had made strawberry cake with lemon curd and vanilla buttercream frosting. Although we had a good strawberry harvest this year, more on that later, there wasn’t enough for the cake. But I had happened to see Lolita the day before explaining my predicament casually, thinking I would just stick with lemon curd, and she offered her garden strawberries which are an incredibly fragrant and sweet variety, mara de bois, the essence of strawberry-ness. I am so grateful for the community we live in. 

Of course, it was just like me to have never made a layered cake before and just make 2.5 on the first try. I stayed up until 2 am the night before the party and quite frankly was running on adrenaline at some point, but I pulled through and am so proud of my cakes! I really wanted to make Roua her own smash cake for her birthday and that goal just stuck with me, so I had to do it, or at least try. I am so happy with how it turned out and it tasted pretty good too. I did every step from scratch. The only thing I did “ahead of time” and only a day before, was make the buttercream. But now I know that you can make all these little steps a few days, sometimes even weeks before if you freeze them! I will take this into consideration the next birthday! 

We sang happy birthday, both in French and English. During the serenade, Roua had her serious face on, the one with the wrinkle between her eyebrows. She got that from her papa. It was so funny. I had made a candle from our beeswax. The wind blew it out. Philippe had sweetly tucked the wick between the rock and sign down at the bridge for me the day before on his way to work. See? Amazing community we live in, right?

At first, Roua was more interested in eating the candle then the cake and it took her some time to warm up, and help to break into, but eventually, she tasted her cake and I think rather enjoyed it. It was so satisfying for me to witness. What was more satisfying was how our friends enjoyed it too. I managed to save a few pieces for those friends who couldn’t make it. And had a sliver with some coffee for myself the next morning. 

Roua opened some sweet presents, played in the kiddie pool with the other kiddos and fell asleep wrapped in a towel in Sylvaine’s arms. Party well done. Then, a sprinkle of rain came, so we went inside and friends began to leave. Dan and Sylvaine stayed for tea and coffee and we got to catch up on each other’s lives, how our trip to the US had been in May, my brother’s wedding, their home improvement projects and summer plans. It was nice just to sit with them. After they went home, we had a few hours just to relax and then the last guests showed up, Philippe and Celine. I fired up the oven again and made the last 2 pizzas. We ended up having a candle-it dinner in the garden. Roua was in bed. 

And Philippe, always with thoughtful poetic gifts, gifted Roua a frame of honey from one of his hives from Roua! This is where Roua is named after actually, this natural place in the mountains where the dirt is red and where back in the day when we had first met, Jorris and I were just two wwoofers helping out Philippe with this hives there. Roua tasted her gift the next day and I’d say she appreciated every drop of the golden liquid on her little fingers. 

Reality turned out better than my visions for her birthday. Just seeing and feeling all the love Roua has all around her from all these truly genuine and caring people made me feel so happy, that she is so loved. And, actually, this was her 3rd party! She actually had 2 while we were in CA and also showered with love from all her cousins and Great Aunties and Uncles. I suppose as a parent, knowing your child is cared for and loved by more than just you is an assuring and easeful feeling.  

It was just what we needed as a family and couple. The bee season has been quite intense this year, honey flow is excellent but that means so much work and only us, so balancing family life with work life has been challenging for Jorris. As for me, watching over Roua most of the time has been challenging too. But the good energy we got from the party set us up into a better place, rekindling our spirits, reminding us of why we chose this life to begin with. Seeing friends and getting together to celebrate our daughter was just what we needed to reset perspective on our life here, to step back from the everyday chaos and just admire for a second the beauty of it all. When I take a moment to step back from the chaos of daily life and routine, and look at Roua, it’s such magic that she exists, that she moves with her own life force, that she smiles and talks and laughs and climbs and has even taken her first few steps. In just one year this sweet little baby I birthed is evolving everyday into her own little person, little but with big personality. 

I suppose it’s our own birthdays also, in a way. Roua’s 1^st birthday marks my first year as a Mother and Jorris' as a Father. I take a deep breath to reflect briefly after typing that. What a whirlwind of wondrous and wild experiences, what suffering, what beauty, what growth. Thank you Roua for giving us a chance to celebrate you my love and for one year of magic with you. Mama and Papa love you so much! Happy Birthday, honey!

Sunday Morning

Sunday mornings in Saint-Léger call for sleeping in (8am, yes that's farmer time for sleeping in) and waking up to slow sips of coffee in bed brought to me by my wonderful husband. The morning sunshine floods through the window as Bodhi baby, who sleeps on the bed by my feet meows a sweet bonjour as he stretches himself awake. I pick up my book, Braiding Sweetgrass, which is one of a few I am currently reading. It's going to be a great day; I feel it already.

Bodhi meows to go outside, so I open the window of our bedroom for him to explore the wild. I make my way to the kitchen, but first a pit-stop in the office where Jorris is on the computer, and I lean in to give him a bonjour kiss. At the dinning room table, I continue sipping my coffee and read about different herbs and beauty dusts online. My mind is curious and intrigued. I make a purchase out of self-love which was a bit out of my budget, but no regrets here. Ashwaganda root powder, Amla berries, Goji berries, Pearl...while others enjoy buying clothes and shoes online, I prefer these adaptogens. After all, I've earned this self-treat, my hair and skin are in need of a little extra love after all I've put them through this season on the farm under the radiant summer sun. I learn along the way, googling the different plants and feeling the bubbly excitement in my chest for nature's gifts soon to arrive at my doorstep (yes the mailman/woman comes to our door!).

Summer has me feeling fine. I knitted this hair tie!

Next is yoga. Just me and my breath. I savour every moment. Some light music plays in the background, creating an environment for a Sunday morning kind of flow, steady, strong and rejuvenating. Jorris enters after working on the hives at the apiary here, which he had moved here to our piece of land some weeks ago. He bends over for a kiss as I am in Mermaid pose. He tells me he is heading to the other apiaries to work and that he'll be back before the village aperitif hour tonight. I'm making bliss balls!

For brunch I make 2 fried eggs with garlic on my cast iron skillet which I brought back from CA and it has been the best decision I've made this year! Haha...that along with many other decisions, of course. But, really that sizzle sound those eggs make when you just crack them over on a hot cast-iron skillet is incomparable to anything else and for me; it's the sound of the weekend. Of course we can't forget the dash of soy sauce and 2 slices of Pain de Bayasse, toasted. The little bit of extra toast I didn't use to sop up the yolky-soy saucy goodness, I spread on some butter and blueberry jam. YUM!

It's been just the two of us again. No more family visitors at the moment and while I miss them, especially Pap since he had spent the most time with us, it's lovely to spend some time alone in our new home together this weekend. And, it allows me to take time to write for pleasure and do yoga and read, all in my panties and bra-less yoga tank top. I'm becoming quite the advocate of the movement to #freethenipple. But that's a topic for another post.

Sunrise on my drive to work.

During the week I wake at 4:30 am to have my coffee, do a little yoga when I can and get to farm. So, when the weekend rolls around, it's really a time I guard for rest. Physically, my body doesn't want to move, so I listen and follow what is being asked of me. Mentally, I rest my brain as well, no more calculating efficiency, timing and tasks. I know it will be waiting for me on Monday.

Village life suits me. This quiet and slow rhythm of life which aligns so much with Mother Nature grounds me deeply. I went with Jorris yesterday to do some work in the apiaries. He worked as I found a spot by the Roudoule river to set my blanket and pillow down for a nap. The sound of the trickling river water and the fresh shade of the trees lulled me to sleep. At the other apiary, I walked into the Var river and just sat on a rock, admiring the stunning beauty of the earth we are so incredibly fortunate to inhabit. Since it's a private property, it is not accessible to the public, so I was completely left alone to enjoy the river, water, rocks and mountains surrounding me. This is one thing I really admire about beekeeping; we get to access the most beautiful places either because they are on private land or they are too deep into the wild to be easily accessible to the public.

Le Roudoule is a gorgeous river which flows into Le Var river. 

Our small beehives by the Roudoule river. 

While we don't have so much money, I feel so rich. I feel like we live quite a luxurious life and I am so grateful everyday. I have an amazing husband who works so hard with a deep motivation to make a happy life for the both of us. He affords me the luxury of sleeping by the river and doing yoga on Sunday while he goes off to work. I am so grateful for all his love and support.

Furthermore, we drink fresh spring water that is also heated by the power of the sun which our solar panels capture. We breathe fresh mountain air. Then there is all the organic and local food which I have the privilege of growing as my job! We live in such peace and abundance. While we are not rich in material abundance, we have all we need. I even made enough money to earn a car! Though she is old, this Citroën Saxo drives so well and allows us to get to where we need in these mountains. It feels so good to earn something, too.

***

Work on the farm has been very busy and in all honesty, quite stressful. It's been a rough season for my bosses and this energy has a ripple-effect on me and my colleague Indira, but we are pushing along, like the little train that could. Tractor problems, miscommunication, too many orders, the fatigue of summer and general intensity of this time of year, which I think all farmers share at the moment, have us feeling a little meh. We all do our best.

It's August already, and I'm really looking forward for autumn to arrive. I can't wait for the weather to cool down, for a change in the speed and rhythm of life, for things to slow down a bit so I can catch my breath again, read, reflect, write, knit again, with Bodhi in my lap and a cup of tea by my side. Perhaps even light the wood stove!

Les Petites Courgettes

Les Petites Tomates Raisins

Les aubergines

But, I am so proud of all the beautiful veggies we have cultivated with Mother Nature, and still, despite the "life situations," as Ekhart Tolle distinguishes in The Power of Now, life is still good. We continue to allow people to live a more healthy and wholesome life with the the organic food we sell. As I wash leeks and carrots or harvest more courgette (I don't really like them anymore, can explain later), I just think of all the people at the organic market who will buy these beauties and feed their families with good and clean food. Not to mention, extremely flavourful. Our job is so important, and it's easy to lose sight of all the greatness that we are doing. After preparing 25kg of leeks, you can easily get sucked into the meh of the "life situations" and forget about the goodness of the life you are living and, in our case, the goodness of the healthy food we are feeding people.

It's all about what we choose to think and focus on. We have the power to frame our day in a good or bad way. That's the beauty of choice and the power we hold over our minds. We shape our minds and mood by the thoughts we allow ourselves to think and believe. The truth is, there is no escape from miscommunications and complications and chaos and tractors that breakdown. Whether you work in an office behind a computer in the city, or on a farm behind rows of beets in the countryside, there will always be problems. That is just the nature of things. But, we can choose how to see these problems and ultimately, how to work with them.

So, those are my thoughts on this beautiful Sunday morning. I'm sending you so much love and light wherever you find yourself today. Get out there. Get some sunshine, feel the river water on your toes. Take a nap. Read a book, do it in your favorite panties and bra-less top, or better yet, in your birthday suit ;)






*Photos by Me. 

Home Sweet Home

Our new village of Saint-Léger, Southern France

I once read that "old doors won't open new ways". And since I read it some years ago, I have found it more true with each new year that passes, with each new life experience I encounter. About 3 weeks ago, Jorris and I closed one door and open another. We moved from our tiny studio apartment in the village of Puget-Theniérs to the tiny village (30 inhabitants year-round) of Saint-Léger.

Together we closed the door of village and apartment life. And now we have opened new doors to a house of 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, spacious kitchen and living room and, get this, a honey room/atelier (workshop) below!! Our new home acts as a home and work place. It is owned by the municipality and one must be a farmer to rent it. The mayor, as well as the villagers whom we have met so far have been very welcoming and kind.

Home Sweet Home; I'm envisioning flower pots.

The honeyroom and atelier below; I love the blue shutters, very Provençal.

While the road is windy and 30 minutes to Puget, it is a beautiful drive. Fatiguing yes, since we have to honk at all the blind-turns, which there are many. It takes me about 30 mintues to get to work at the fields below, but the days I have to go to the ferme en haute (farm above, the farm house), it takes about 45 minutes. After a long and hot day of work under the merciless sun, I sigh at the drive back ahead. But, no distance is too long when you know you will arrive to a place you can call home.

We'll probably eventually miss from time to time being able to just run down stairs and step out on Sunday mornings to get some freshly baked croissants, pain au chocolate, eclaires cafés et baguettes from the boulangerie as we did when we lived in Puget (no boulangerie in our tiny village). But for now, it is such a luxury to have so much space! Our tiny studio was a lovely start and a charming experience, but with running a business and building a life together we are in need of space to store all of our creations, honey and natural cosmetics, alike. There are also disadvantages of village apartment life that we won't miss like hearing music from your neighbors perhaps you're not so fond of and village chatter and motor bike engines in the night when you're trying to sleep.

St. Léger Village Center

We live a little outside of our new village. It's smaller than Puget-Theniérs and there is no grocery store. We have one neighbor whom we haven't formally introduced ourselves to yet, but they live below us and have goats and sheep. They produce soap from their goats' milk. Their home is also owned by the municipality. I think they are also a young couple, and we are looking forward to get to know them soon.

It's amazing what a difference physical space can have on one's sense of well-being. The other day, I wanted to play music but Jorris wanted some quiet time, so I was able to go into our guest room and play my heart out! It was so liberating! Like, we could fully express ourselves and share one space together, in different rooms. Both of us were content. Also, a physical distance from work and the village of Puget is so refreshing. Being surrounded by all this beautiful nature is so calming and nourishing to my soul. When I get home from work I can just let it all go, turn the noise down and just be in peace to cook, read, write, play music, snuggle with Bodhi etc.

Bodhi and Frida. 

Bodhi has been enjoying our new home as well. Now he can go outside and also explore nature. He is loving it so far. As an animal, I think it is much healthier for him to be in touch with nature, as it is for us. I love when he comes back home from one of his adventures outside and his fury head smells like wild flowers and herbs.

Bodhi baby exploring the garden with toy. 

Having more space in our home also means being able to invite family and friends over, which is what Jorris and I love to do. Right now, Pap, mon beau pere (my father-in-law) has been here visiting us since we just moved in. His name is Marcel, but in Dutch, pap means dad so I call him pap. It has been such a pleasure to have his presence grace our home. He is such an incredible human being, with a gentle heart and golden hands, as ma belle mere (my mother-in-law) put it so well. He can make anything! He makes guitars, furniture, the best mayonnaise in like 30 seconds (yes it was a life-hack he taught me) and so much more. He also plays the guitars which he builds beautifully, classical pieces and bassa nova, which I am listening to now as I write this blog post.

He has helped Jorris and I with so much: assembling shelves for honey room, labelling jars of honey, cleaning the house, doing laundry, cooking, playing guitar while I cook, playing guitar with me, and today as I write, building us a kitchen which he so generously gifted to Jorris and I. We are so grateful and honored to have Pap bless our home. All the laughs together have been so meaningful. I've always appreciated Pap and now spending so much time with him and getting to know him more, I appreciate him even more.

Meet Pap, our Head Handyman/Contractor/Chef/Guitarist...

Ta-DA!!! I love the touch of the sparkling lights Pap added & so does Jorris.

Also last weekend, Jorris’ cousin Emille and his family of 5 kiddos and wife Yvonne arrived! They are doing a trip throughout europe by train and public transportation. We had a wonderful dinner that Friday night, Jorris’ famous cous cous and ratatouille-sytle veggies. They too are a brave family, having opened a new door themselves 5 years ago when they moved to Sweden from Holland. It was spontaneous and perfect timing that we moved to a bigger house so we could host them. We were excited to receive a whatsapp message from Emille saying how they would love to stop by. They are such a kind and well-rounded family. Pap and Emille and his family inspire me in so many ways. It's such an honor to call them family. 

Pap (Dad in Dutch), about to enjoy a veggie spring roll. 

We had a wonderful time together taking them through Provence to la plage de St. Julien and Lac de St. Croix, through the Gorges de Verdun and up to the most charming village of Moustiers St. Marie where Jorris and I had our first gelato together many summers ago. It was so joyful to re-visit the places where we first got to know each other and to share that with family. We finished our long day of adventure driving through the Lavender fields of Valensole where some fields of Lavender hadn't been cut yet and we could still smell the magic. Jorris stopped by to check on his bees, naturally. I am so happy he had some time to enjoy summer and family since he is working so much. He would never take time off for himself and rarely for us during this busy time of the season, but he was delighted to take time off for family. 

Afternoons are for picnics; Emille, Yvonne and the kiddos. Photo: Pap

Evenings are for guitar concerts. 

Life happens in rhythms big and small. These cycles are constantly shifting and changing within ourselves, within our society, community, Mother Nature. Not to long ago I wrote about the Buddhist concept of Dukkha and reflected upon my own struggles in that moment. And, at now in this moment, we've shifted into a new cycle, moved through a new door, of such joy and abundance in good organic food and a household of love.  

Veggie Spring Rolls for dinner with some veggies from the farm. 

How about those views out those windows!

Fresh organic tomatoes from the farm where I work.

Emille and his family added their touch of love to our home, lending a hand with building the kitchen as well as adding a little surprise of art to the some of the beehives in the atelier. We were told by the kiddos that we were not allowed to enter the atelier. A few hours later they invited us in and the sweet sight nearly brought tears to my eyes. Jorris had a bright smile on his face. Their gift really warmed our hearts and home and our bees' homes. 

A little surprise the kiddos and their mom created. 

Handfuls of magic. 

An artful gift to the bees. 

Jorris and I have walked through many doors together now. We walked through a door of wwoofing and organic farming, the sliding door of the j9 camping car where we lived in while in Villetale Haute, then the wooden doors of the yurt, the door of marriage, and up until recently the grand apartment door of Puget-Théniers, and now the home-y one of Saint-Léger.

Our future garden space! How many butterflies can you spot?

I'm so excited for what the land here will teach me, what plants I will discover, insects, trees and animals. The air is so fresh and the spring water so clean (we saw the report from the Mayor's office!). We also get our water heated by the sun with 2 solar panels on the roof. To top it off, the week before was a full moon and lunar eclipse where, the Moon in all her glory greeted me through my bedroom window, full and bright with the silhouette of a tree in the left and mountains in the foreground of the window frame, a perfect picture. I soaked it all in. 

If you are going through a rhythm of life that is unpleasant, dark or uncomfortable, fear not, for a new door awaits you, sooner than you know. Hang in there. Just be compassionate and patient with yourself. Trust that you'll know which door to open when you see it, and when you see it, though it'll be new and unfamiliar, don't be afraid to step through.

Our old & beautiful door to our apartment in Puget.

*photos by me unless noted otherwise.

Café Langues Échange

It was around back in January of this year when I posted this flyer around my village of Puget-Theniers here in the southern French Alps. At the same time I was taking a French Intensive course with Alliance Française in Nice. Everyday for a month I took the 790 bus from here to the city and the ride was 1.5 hours each way! But it was worth it because I learned so much and made some lovely friends.

Anyway, back to the flyer. I had this idea to make an exchange with a French speaker wanting to learn English. I imagined we could have a coffee and speak part of the time in French and part of the time in English. And, perhaps I could even make some new friends. Out of curiosity I did some research and turns out these types of exchanges already exist, which was fantastic to know. So I posted this flyer up at the local carrefour supermarché and on a village bulletin board, not knowing what to expect. I believe it wasn't until near the end of March when I got a call from Laurent.

I was nervous but we had a coffee and great first meeting. Laurent speaks English quite well and his level of English is higher than mine in French, but we manage well. Soon after our first exchange, he brought his partner Magali who also wants to learn English. Her level is more novice, but I've printed out worksheets for beginner English learners and we've had laughs and made progress over ambré beers at Chez Math, a local bar and restaurant. Turns out Laurent and Magali live just down the street from us. And, it also turns out that I have made two wonderful new friends.

It's such a small world because Laurent makes the deliveries of the veggies and eggs at the farm where I work at so we are also colleagues in a way. And, Magali is one of the bus drivers for the 790 which I took to Nice everyday for my French lessons. After I finally formally met her, I recognized  her right away as the really nice bus driver! That's the beauty of village life for you.

This is my 5th year studying French! I can't believe it's been that long. I've only ever had 1 month of formal study in a classroom. But I've been living on and off in France for the last 5 years and so have learned French mostly just in daily life, with some self-workbooks sprinkled in. Though it's been an informal learning, I would say it has been a very integrated study. I've been learning French as a child would learn a new language, all in the context of real life through practice and everyday exchanges with people. Below are my tips to learning French, or any language. I was 26 when I started learning French, so age is no matter!

Les Essentielles: Les cafés, la croissant et la dictionnaire. 

5 Tips for Learning a New Language:

1. Surrender, accept that you will make mistakes (lots of mistakes), some very embarrassing. For my surfers out there it's like when you are out in the water and you just have to surrender to Mother Nature and the waters, and going with where the waves and tide take you rather than resisting.

2. Surround yourself with the language. It really helps to immerse yourself, in whatever capacity you can. The best is of course living the country or a community with people who speak the language you are trying to learn and just hearing it everyday and seeing it written everywhere on signs and menus. Being forced to speak the language daily also trains your brain and those muscles in your mouth and tongue to formulate those words. If you can't quite immerse yourself yet, watch lots of movies or listen to music or see youtube channels about this language. If there is a specific topic you are interested in or have a passion for, like for me it's gardening, then look up videos or media on this in your language of interest!

3. Speak, Speak, Speak! Don't be afraid to speak the language as much as you can and with the surrendering of number 1, don't be afraid to make mistakes and sound silly. Have compassion for yourself, you are learning, your brain is growing bigger, people know you are learning and most of the time have compassion for you and appreciate you learning their language. It's all good. It's very important to keep exercising those muscles in our mouths and tongues that are foreign to our native language. Set a timer for an hour and speak only the language you are learning, no matter how hard it is. Start a Café Langue Échange in your community! Post a flyer or go to a forum/social media outlet and post that you are looking for a language exchange. Speak for 1/2 hour in the language you want to learn and 1/2 hour in your native language for your exchange partner.

4. Read, Read, Read! Carry a pocket dictionary or picture dictionary around and look up words you don't know or make notes of words you hear and don't know to look up later. My French to English/English to French dictionary is my best friend, well next to my opinel (French pocket knife). For me, looking up words the old-fashioned way with a book dictionary somehow allows me to remember better that word. Perhaps it's the time it takes to look it up and read the definition? But I find that when I look it up that way rather than google translate on my phone (although google translate can be helpful at times too) I remember the word so much better. As you build vocabulary, you have more building blocks to make new sentences with. For me, as a visual learner, when I see a word and how it is spelled and used in a sentence, I remember it better and know how to use it. I like reading these little pamphlets from the organic store which come out monthly, sort of like a newsletter. It's just my level of French, simple, and the topics are everything I am interested in: food, farming, creating personal care products, so I feel motivated to read and to look up words I don't know since it's a topic that interests me. Graphic novels are really great, too! Oh and subtitles! I would watch a movie in French and read the subtitles in English and then watch English movies with French subtitles. Or, French movie with French subtitles. All three ways can be helpful, as well as starting out with a film or story you already know. Explore what works best for you.

5. Make friends with people who speak the language you want to learn. If they don't speak any language other than that language you want to learn, even better! This will really force you to learn and practice. My landlord for our first apartment in France (the apartment castle) didn't speak a word of English, and I always enjoyed having tea or mojitos with her because she was a cool person but also because I could really hone in on my French with her. Even more romantic, if you can fall upon a lover who speaks the language you want to learn and, the important part, who doesn't speak your native language. So the last part of that last sentence is good for learning a new language I think, but I imagine that being really hard to growing a relationship with someone. Jorris, my husband, speaks French but also English (and Dutch, German and Spanish), so it's great because he helps me with my French but also not great because he loses patience quickly and turns back to English. For our relationship though, I'm so glad he speaks English so we can communicate our feelings.




*photos and flyer by me. 

Dukkha

We’re all a little bruised and broken. Suffering is indiscriminate. No matter who you are or where you come from or where you were and where you are going, no matter your gender, age, the color of your hair, your morals and beliefs, rich or poor, we all suffer.

The Buddha said that life is Dukkha. Life is suffering. To live is to suffer. Because, as the Buddha explained we are living in the cycle of samsara: life, death, rebirth; and with living comes suffering because karma, the law of cause and effect, can lead to suffering.

Some say our sufferings stem from ancestral wounds that never healed. This is a new concept for me, which I am curious about. I wonder though, does this mean that we can blame others for our suffering? Does this mean that we have no control over it, and it’s all predetermined through an ancestral algorithm of sorts? If not any of these hypotheses, then what does any of it mean?

Of course, humans are not the only beings or spirits which suffer, though I feel as though our suffering is worse because we are complicated creatures who perhaps bring a lot of it upon ourselves.

Some days, like today, all we can do is feel it through and just observe. For me it’s yoga, a walk in the woods, playing guitar, or writing a blog post, but for you, it could be something else. Whatever that space or action that can lead to cathartic expressions I believe can be incredibly healing.

Today I got onto my mat and discovered a deep well of sadness. I felt its darkness and absence of love. I didn’t know it was there until I got into a posture, just lying on my belly and breathing, and I began crying for all the things I felt and couldn’t say. In this state of delicacy, however, my mind was so clear. It was as if my mind was soothing my heart and just observing these emotions, and sort of consoling my heart that it’s ok to feel emotions like sadness and “just cry, just keep breathing and feel what you need to feel, without judgment, attachment or shame,” my mind instructed.

I think my meditation practice has helped me become so much stronger, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I have to thank Andy Puddicombe from my Headspace app, and my soon to be brother-in-law Steven for having introduced me to the app in spring 2017 when I had gone to visit him and brother Kevin in San Francisco. I’ve been meditating since then and this practice has changed my life.

I’ve learned tools to help me not be afraid of my thoughts or emotions and to just observe them like passing clouds because underneath all the dark clouds there is always a blue sky. This analogy can often be found in meditation practices, and I learned about it through headspace. We just have to remember we have peace of mind all the time (blue sky) and that sometimes those clouds of sadness or doubts will creep in. Meditation has allowed me to better understand myself and my mind. Slowly I begin to see patterns and why I do or think the way I do, all from a place of tender curiosity and deep compassion. I am reminded of how human I am and constantly question what it means to be human and why we do what we do and don’t do what we don’t do.

Life, even in the Southern French Alps, is not always a fairytale. It’s hard no matter where you are. I’ve made more French friends here and have learned of more sad stories and pain and suffering are the recurring theme. It puts things into perspective.

For me life has been so condensed and charged with change these last 6 months. I got married, moved to a new country, moved to a new village within that country, intensified my studies of this new language, continued building my business while my husband continued building his and finding a way for those to blend together, all while raising a young cat and the learning curve that comes with raising a cat for the first time.

In this moment we are the crucible of building a new life, together. It’s getting hot inside as more responsibilities and deadlines pile up for this loan to that. It seems to never end and some weeks, we seem to never see each other as we live in the mountains and loans and banks live in the city and now the bees are on the coast so Jorris has been driving back and forth between all places, his cup filled with bee work, business class work with a dash of bank/finance work.

He’s stretching himself in all directions and you can imagine what that does to a person, and for a newlywed couple. His cup can fill no more. There’s no more room for drops of my quirky jokes or childish comments like this morning when I said “what if I loved Bodhi (our cat) so much he turned into a real human?!” Texting a business text and not hearing my comment, Jorris continued with his work. 

Then those quirky jokes and my wish for attention get swept under the rug and soon the rug isn’t big enough to cover it all up. Then what?

It seems like this sort of pressure-filled feeling has always been in our relationship since the beginning, perhaps a sort of relationship karma? At first it was, soon I’ll have to go back to CA because my visa will expire so we’ll be apart again but for how long; then it was where do we want to make our life in France or U.S.; then now, how are we going to do it...all these choices and life decisions that just seem to keep demanding an answer now.

Jorris had been camping in L’Esterel and working with the bees and various business formations in Nice so we hadn’t really seen each other until we went on a date night on Sunday. It had been the first just-us date night in a while at the local Au Bon Coin (The Good Corner) restaurant in our village. Over trout and pizza we had a moment to just be a couple, and while some clouds lingered, I could see the blue sky for a moment.

This morning though, I’m not sure if it’s as blue. My heart is heavy. I continue to breathe through the uncertainty that is life. What else can we do? Whatever happens though will happen as it should and life will continue because it just does. Someone close to my heart the other day wrote to me and reminded me of how I was a bright ray of sunshine to her from across the ocean and that she admired my authenticity and how I could put love above all else. It was beautifully written and sincere. I felt a sense of peace after reading it because even if I accomplish nothing more in this life, at least I know I inspired love and light from a place of authenticity for one person and that’s more than enough for me.

If, to be human is to suffer, but to suffer is to know or have known true love, beauty and wisdom, then perhaps it is worth it, wherever our paths may lead.





*Photos by Tiffanie Ma

Happy 6th Birthday Anniversary, Garden Gallivanter and Happy 30th to Me!

A stroll in our backyard village of Puget-Théniers.

The best things in my life seem to happen during Fall, when the leaves are changing color, fire reds and oranges, when the air turns crisp and you can see your breath linger as your face tightens and turns red from the cold to the point where it’s hard to talk. It’s a time of baked pies, pumpkin and apple, of the sweet aromas of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg and cardamom warming the house along with the crackling wood fire.

Fall is when new things happen for me and somehow my life changes course. This blog I began on a November Fall day 6 years ago. It was when I began to garden; and, it was also when I made my plans to intern at the Garden School Foundation, setting my life forth in another direction and leading me to meet amazing people.  In the past, I’ve  met other incredible souls who have shaped my life, or I made plans for grand solo adventures, like the one to France 3 years ago. This Fall, I married a beautiful soul, mon amour, Jorris. It was a milestone for us both. With that, I moved my life to a new country. This Fall, our farm cat Agata gave birth to 3 adorable kittens, and we are enjoying them so much. It’s a beginning of many new things.

A little crumbly, but oh-so-good with wild and organic apples.

From left to right: Bodhi, Sattva, Peaches&Cream (aka: The 3 little monsters)

Our yurt dressed in a surprising snowfall at the end of October. 

It’s a time of reflection, a time of transition, transformation, of quiet. The garden sleeps. Her bounty harvested, stored for winter meals. The yurt goes down. We move closer to the city but still live in the small village of Puget-Theniers. As the season changes, so does life, and so does our rhythm. Only since I started living close to nature 3 years ago did I start to really notice nature’s rhythm, and I have found that aligning my rhythm to hers makes me feel more whole, more at peace and in equanimity of my surroundings and of how I show up in my life.

Sometimes, I think that’s the best thing we can do. Just show up, everyday, with compassion, non-attachment, and love, for ourselves and for the world around us. With all of your heart, just as it is, whether that be full of joy for new kittens or full of stress from moving to a new place, a new country. Whether it be full of energy, or perhaps, a little laziness because it’s too rainy and cold outside to work. Those days are ok too; those days are important and also part of this beautiful thing called life. And, rather than being hard on ourselves for not performing at our “peaks,” what would happen if we allowed to ourselves full acceptance and unconditional love for how ever we showed up that day?

Garden treasures to be stored for winter.

Keys to new "apartment castle". 

I can wader the narrow streets of this village for hours. 

And just be thankful we were able to wake up to 3 kittens playing and bouncing around as we get coffee going in the morning, much needed coffee, since they were wild the night before jumping on our bed, the bed they already pooped and peed on while we were gone and so we had 2 blankets less and felt cold, so didn’t sleep that well and then our husbands wake up really early for work and we end up getting woken up too because we live in studio with no rooms. But we wake up, even though slowly, with gratitude and make our way to coffee and our day, and everything is good.

I have found that the same applies to yoga. With this approach, my practice has changed immensely. I have been showing up onto my mat everyday. Our studio loft is small, but we have been creative with spacing and so made our dining room table a folding one. It’s attached to the wall and folds down, remaining on the wall. In this way, I have room to practice yoga. When I show up without judgment of what I can do that day and just feel my way through, with curiosity and enjoyment, my body and mind just feels more receptive to expansion, physically and mentally. Also, one of the benefits of living in the village is better internet connection, so I can practice along with online lessons, but there are also some yoga classes in the village, which is wonderful, and I have visited. My personal practice is becoming deeper and so, I don’t feel the need to go to class really, but I like to, just to be in the company of fellow yogis.

My three little monsters. 

Entrance to our humble abode with folding table. 

Table folds so I have space to do yoga. 

Yesterday, I had the privilege of going to Marie and Samuel’s place with Philippe. They are our sheep cheese making friends, which I have written about before. They are a lovely couple and have a lovely growing family. They got some other village producers together and we all had lunch of incredible, exquisite food, seriously made for fine dining, without the fancy plates, just rustic and real. Pumpkin and squash soup, juicy and falling-off-the-bone oven baked lamb (their own!) with fennel, cous cous, variety of steamed squash (pumpkin, butternut) and rosemary; For dessert we had apple tart with caramel sauce (both homemade and best caramel I’d ever tasted), and homegrown/homemade pears cooked in red wine and cinnamon. The color and taste of that pear was just gorgeous.  My senses were all over the place and high on something! Real, homemade, homegrown food!! Everything was homemade or from the farm except for the flour in the bread and the couscous! Impressive and exemplary way of living, if you ask me.

The main reason we got together, apart from the exquisite food, was to make apple juice. This year was a fantastic year for fruit trees. These apples were organic and homegrown or wild. It was a day of apple juicing indeed! They had made 100 liters of juice before Philippe and I arrived, and with Philippe’s apples from his Mother’s house, we made another 100 liters! We brought home 95 liters. With this experience I have gotten closer to understanding where our food comes from, never will I drink apple juice nor see it, in the same way. Now I understand so much more.

This Fall has been particularly good for apples, so many apples!

Pasturizing 35 liters of freshly pressed apple juice. 

My mind, senses, and gut are exponentially expanding while here in France. I truly hadn’t tasted apple juice (I feel like that about a lot of foods I try here) until last night when I took a taste of what we had juiced. It was sweet, pronounced, a golden syrupy refreshing delight. It was real and pure juice, microorganisms and all. I did feel a little bubbling and gas in my stomach, but that just shows that it is a living food and that my body will get innoculated with more good bacteria and therefore my gut and immune system will be stronger. I will have some pasturization to experiment with tomorrow, to conserve the juice without adding preservatives.

It was a traditional juicing machine, made of wood and iron. It was gorgeous. You place chopped pieces of apple in, a lot, this spliced wooden barrel thing. And then with pressure from wooden blocks above, you turn this iron rod and the rod and screw pushes down on the wood and the apple pieces are compressed, so juices start flowing out. It’s pretty amazing. My phone died so I couldn’t take a picture, but actually, it was kind of nice, just living in the moment and enjoying the process of it all and the company of such kind people.

Today, is the 6th anniversary of Garden Gallivanter, this blog which I began when my heart struck a match with gardening and has fueled this fire of my life in the most profound, life-changing ways I never could have imagined. It has also burned down old habits, patterns of thinking, of being, old ways maybe not so good for me, people around me and the environment; I have been able to rebuild a new life of exquisite tastes and textures.  Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, I am reborn. It hasn’t been easy nor has it always been beautiful.  But I choose to keep remembering, to keep coming back to all that is beautiful, when it gets hard and desperate. I choose to embody the phoenix rising from the ashes. 

Village Street Art: Hold my hand and don't let go. 

Dinner party/housewarming with Daniel et Sylvaine.

Mon amour Jorris avec les petits chatons.

I will also be turning 30 in a few days. And, I really feel 30. It’s wonderful, to have made it this far. It’s wonderful to be married, to have moved to France, to be creating organic products I love and believe in with all my being. When I think about it, I think how lucky I am to have lived 3 decades, experiencing this crazy thing called life. That is a lot of years, months, weeks, days, hours, minutes and seconds I have had the gift of experiencing. And now, I get to share these experiences and hopefully make new ones with mon amour, Jorris. I know you're reading this, my fantastic Garden Gallivanter fan, and je t'aime. 

Most of all, I think of all my phenomenal family and friends who have been there for me and with me throughout my 3 decades of life, filling my life up with stories, with unforgettable memories, with unconditional love. I think of my mom, dad, grandparents, brother, aunties, uncles, cousins, yogi friends and garden friends. Without this kind of love, the kind that moves mountains and splits sea water in half, I can say without a doubt, I wouldn’t be here, at 30, married and doing work I love here in France. This goes out to all of them, my family and friends, near and far, who continue to love and inspire me. And of course, this one goes out to you guys, my fellow readers, near and far. Thank you for growing with me through all these years. Happy Autumn!

Beeswax candles I made with apples. 

*Photos by Tiffanie Ma