June 13

It’s just after lunch. I steal away for a few minutes to our yurt for a well-earned and necessary self-manicure and to write. I’ve been back at work in the garden, getting the last of the: tomatoes, cabbage, squash, corn, lettuce and carrots into the ground. The soft, flour feel of soil in my hands and that earthy, humus smell is luxurious to experience once again. Of course, as a result of my luxurious activities in the garden, my hands and fingernails begged for my attention. 

Living close to nature means a scrumptious lunch of fresh, organic food!

Sitting on the edge of the windowsill with the window open, my computer on a chair so I can still type comfortably, I relish the warmth of the June sun on my back. A light breeze of fresh mountain air enters, swirling around my face as I take a breath and savor the moment. I’m here again. And everything is the same and different at the same time. 

It’s been a little over two weeks since I’ve been back in the Southern French Alps at Le Rucher Des Gorges de Daluis. Our little bee business is growing with new methods, a makeover, and fresh ideas. I take it slowly, earning my mountain legs again with each step up and down the hills of uneven terrain. My muscles remember though, so this week my legs don’t feel as sore. 

Jorris organized and cleaned spotless Le Miellerie ( the honey room).

Jorris made these shelves outside the Atelier to organize bee materials.

Picturesque: Wild flowers such as these coquelicots (poppies) color the land.

Surrounded by the eternal beauty of this land, this sky, these same particular wild flowers sprinkling colors of the rainbow all around, I bask in the realization that I get to be here again, in Villetale Haute, for another season of: beekeeping, gardening, cooking, adventuring and creating. 

Jorris and I are reunited after 4 months of being apart! It’s been a burst of joy, every meal together, every drive to the apiaries, every time he brings me coffee as I water the garden in the morning.  I haven’t been writing for a while. It’s been a long lull of writer's block between enormous waves of joy and sadness since I’ve last written here. My apologies for being away for so long.

Mon Amour et Moi, reunited.

In short, Jorris and I had a remarkable wwoofing journey in CA. We experienced the lives of several wonderful homesteaders and traveled almost to Oregon but had to turn back to be with my Auntie Jane during her last days. We are a close family and losing her has been tremendously painful. But I don’t feel like I’ve lost her. She is here with me, with us, and is ever more present in my life. She fought cancer for 3 years, against all odds, against all fear, against all darkness. She was the light and still is. 

My beautiful Auntie Jane & I on Mother's Day 2015.

After her passing, Jorris returned to Villetale to prepare for another season. I stayed back in L.A. to be with my family and to figure out my next move. I had found myself in a cloud of uncertainty and sadness. Jorris and I had been faced with the question of where to make a life for a while now. And, being an international couple, with visas to worry about, our time together has always been limited, with a pause lingering in the near future horizon, whether in France or California. Living in France seasonally is one thing, but living there, making a home and life there, away from my friends and family, that was a whole other beast, one I was not ready nor sure how to tackle. Jorris remains patient through my whims and waves of hypothetical questions, euphoric moments when seeds sprout, and all the rest in between. 

Since the timing of things happened that I was still in CA and my brother had some vacation time off, he and my mom and I decided to pack our bags and go to Asia! We went to Vietnam and Thailand.  It was a short but sweet trip together.

Outside Mom's old home in Da Nang, Vietnam. 

Original intricate bricks my Grandpa Lee picked out.
photo by: Kevin Ma

While in Asia, I gave myself time to discover a new land, people, and some of my Vietnamese roots. We got a chance to see the house where my mom grew up in Da Nang. Even the old intricate brick remains, which my Grandpa Lee picked out, according to mom when we walked through her old home which is now a Red Cross Center. It was spectacular to meet some distant relatives, cousins of my mom. Their kindness and hospitality were delightful. 

During this trip, I also gave myself time to reflect on whether or not life in the countryside of southern France, far from my family, is really for me. I thought, I’ll have an answer when I return to California. Even having returned to L.A., I found myself always thinking about France, though having my reservations about it at the same time. This aching in my heart wouldn’t cease no matter how much yoga I did or other busy stuff. My mind kept wandering and wondering about how things were going in Villetale Haute, and I had found it hard to live in the present moment. So I decided to listen to that aching and return to Villetale Haute and to Jorris. 

We can wonder and make pro/con charts and imagine how something could be, over and over, or we can actually live it, experience it, and see. Only then I think can we know or come close to knowing how we really feel about something. Putting a pause on life to figure things out first, to avoid making mistakes or the possibility of feeling pain, I have discovered is fruitless. 

I feel so much happier being here, rather than wondering about it in California. I feel much more mindful and present, more engaged with people and my environment, back to doing the things I enjoy and believe in. Even though Jorris and I don’t have all the answers, at least we are living life, working, sometimes whining, many times laughing, quite blissfully. 

It seems that the “figuring out” of life is in the living it, moment to moment. Even if those moments aren’t always happy, at least by living them presently and gracefully, we keep moving forward in the best way we know how with what we have, how we feel, and where we are.





*Photos by Tiffanie Ma unless otherwise noted.