Our Little Dinosaur

Our little dinosaur is 2 months old today! We call him our little baby dinosaur because he makes little baby dinosaur sounds. If you could hear it, you would know exactly what I’m talking about. And, if you’re thinking “well, Tiff, how do you know what a baby dinosaur sounds like?” as my husband and belle mere (mother-in-law) questioned, just trust me, I know. 

It just so happens that from thousands of miles away on the other side of the world, my dear cousin Connie and Auntie Barbara knew about our son’s dinosaur ways and sent us dinosaur onesies and even a plush dinosaur teddy! Coincidence? I think not. Family just knows and we are just connected that way. 

It’s amazing how much this little guy has changed in just 2 months. Physically, his eyes are darker, not the light blue when he was just born, but they are still light! They are grayish, and I’m hoping they become green like his Papa’s. I love brushing my nose against his soft hair which reminds me of a birds feathers. He’s about 5kg or 11 pounds now! He was 6 pounds and 10 oz at birth. He’s gained 5 pounds in 2 months! Considering how much he loves to breastfeed and how often, I am not surprised. Luckily for me, this means I am moving in the opposite end of the spectrum and losing some of that pregnancy weight (which there’s nothing wrong with by the way!). I could probably do a post about body image and changes later. For now though, I’m just feeling good getting back to some form of Tiffanie I knew. 

Anthéor likes to stand already. He presses his little feet on your thighs and tenses up his legs when you hold him up as you sit. He’s like how Roua was. I suspect he’ll also roll over early. And when you hold him, sometimes he likes to push his legs strongly on your forearm to get his belly right where it feels good to him on your shoulder. He makes these sort of grunting effort sounds at the same time. 

What I love most about Anthéor is how much he smiles. He’s very smiley. His is the kind of smile that melts your heart and makes you teary. Even his eyes smile wide. When you talk to him he smiles and he loves to tell you stories (these stories sounds are different from the dinosaur ones). I love his kind eyes and zen nature. He rarely cries. 

We have a two minute poop rule with him. This means to wait at least two minutes before attempting to change him because most likely, there’s more coming. Experience gives you wisdom.

 He just loves to be near you and is very determined to get there. Sometimes when he is in his co-sleeper (crib connected next to the bed), I’ll turn around and see that he’s inched his way somehow closer to the bed. There’s those little grunting sounds too, along with his efforts to wiggle closer to your warmth. I’m quite surprised by how much “ground” he actually covers so even though he cannot roll over yet, I hesitate to put him down close to any edge of a bed, sofa, table, etc. He just loves to feel your warmth and cuddle and I love that about him. 

As I look down at Anthéor’s face this week, my swaddled ball of warmth and love, I’ve noticed in wonder just how big everything looks from when I had first laid eyes on his tiny squishy face. His ears look bigger, his cheeks more plump and eyes wider, and his little hand looks so much bigger as it grasps my finger while we breastfeed (love when he does this). I kept thinking to myself how much of a “big” boy he’s looking. When I take a pause from the chaos of life in the rocking chair with Anthéor to actually see him in his evolution and listen to his little snore, it is just astounding. Life is just miraculous. So grateful for two months with you my love. I love you so much. Cheers and joyeux moinniversaire (happy month birthday)!!

Roua

Roua with potimarrons from the garden.

I still can’t believe she’s real; nor can I believe that 2 months ago today we raced to the clinic and barely made it as I squeezed my legs together in the front seat of the car, whispering to my baby, “just wait a little longer please,”...she was so ready to come into this world but patiently waited and 10 minutes later I got to meet the most beautiful face I had ever seen. That’s the short version of our birth story. The longer and more detailed version to come, as believe it or not, I still feel like even 2 months later, I am still processing the whole thing. 

I’ve heard the days are long but the years go by fast. For us, the days go by so fast! So, if that saying is true, I must truly embrace every moment before the years pass by in a blink of an eye. Roua changes by the day. Never knew I could be capable of feeling such immense gratitude. We are so lucky. 

Everyday is so different and the same at the same time. I’m in awe of Roua. I’m in awe of what my body is capable of, creating a human, producing milk which nurtures her while still nurturing me in all the ways she does. The transformation is magnificent, more than magical, to watch and feel unfold. I am so honored to be granted this experience of Motherhood. 

Roua and the giant butternut from the garden, both nearly 4kg (8 pounds)! 

I have to admit it’s not always easy and not every moment do I feel so positive. In fact, I feel fatigued and frustrated some days, but those emotions are part of it all too. My life has completely changed, yet many things still remain the same, like baking sourdough bread (two baking as I write this!), or my yoga and meditation practice. They just look different. I thought I needed yoga and meditation most during pregnancy, but actually now I need it more than ever before. I’ve never felt so needed and important. Caring for a baby requires so much energy, both physically and emotionally. I never knew the reciprocal power and influence I could share with a being! I need my whole best self to do the job, and a bit of yoga and meditation during the day when I can or at night when she sleeps makes all the difference in the world. Taking care of me, my mind and body, is a priority because I need to be well to care for Roua. Experiencing the power of my body through all its changes and breastfeeding has been such a wondrous process! 

Having a baby makes life more complicated but really, it also makes life so simple. All I have to do is be my best self and love this sweet little human. I am learning to just take the day with each moment as it comes, without attachment to what the day should look like or what needs to be done. I make a list and do my best. With Roua, I am learning to truly let go and just live. 

When I look down at her big eyes and cute little nose, sometimes I can't believe that those parts of her were formed inside of me from two cells that joined, and that I carried her for 9 months. It blows my mind. Thank you to Uncle Kevin for the 2-month birthday outfit which came in the mail just in time!

Things I want to Remember about my baby Roua at 2 months:

1. Her cute little croissant-shaped hands. 

2. The way she stares at me so lovingly, at times pensively with those big eyes! 

3. Her sweet smiles, especially in the morning when she first wakes up and sees me. 

4. The o-shape she makes with her mouth sometimes. 

5. The way she arches her head all the way back just to see me as she lays in her 2^nd crib in the living room. 

6. The way she savours slowly waking up with a nice long stretch. 

7. The sounds she makes after yawning and coughing that remind me of her Great Grandpa Ma. 

8. Her long fine hair, the first thing which I heard the midwives exclaiming about as her head was crowning! 

9. Her loud farts and burbs and poops, so satisfying... :) 

10. Her sweet innocent smell and soft skin...

11. The way she shakes her head before taking a big mouthful of breast!

12. All her many snoring sounds.

I’ll stop there for now since I can go on and on...but these are the main ones. Cheers to you Roua! Happy 2 month birthday honey. Mama loves you so much! Looking forward to celebrating with chocolate banana creme pie Tata Gaëlle will make tonight!!!

*Photos by ma belle-mère et moi. 

The World Can Wait

Not Instagrammed: Desert hiking trail near Azusa, CA. May 2019 

Let’s slow it down. Take a breath. That email can wait. So can that text, and instagram message, and whatsapp message and messenger message and telegram message. It can all wait. The world can wait.

This has been my mantra for the past 4 months. Around the time that both my grandmas passed away, I came up with this mantra for myself. The world can wait until after I have had my cup of coffee in the morning. The world can wait until after I mediate before I answer the those emails. Just because technology moves fast, doesn’t mean that we have to. We have the power to slow it down. The choice is ours.

Around the same time, perhaps a few months before that, I decided to stop posting on instagram. My last post was on March 26th, 2019. I really enjoyed posting and sharing stories, but I found myself, almost everywhere I went, thinking “wow this would such a nice shot and oh this would be the coolest caption.” I began to realize that I kept ruining that moment for myself. I kept going into the future about what a nice instagram post this would be instead of just living in the moment. I realized that the cycle of taking the perfect picture and posting it and then seeing how many likes and views I got was like a tic, everywhere I went. I wanted to just experiment and see what would happen if I just stopped?

The human brain is incredible. The plasticity of our brains allows us to learn new things everyday. This means we can make lasting change in our lives, build new neurological connections and pathways. We have the power to do this everyday. So, I just told myself I would stop posting pictures for a while and just live in the moment.

Not Instagrammed: Hiking with family in Azusa, CA. May 2019

At first, I caught myself thinking, while sitting by a stream on a hike for example, oh this would be such a nice shot of this little flower here. I would, by muscle memory, go for my phone, usually in my back pocket. Only then would I stop myself and put my phone back, reminding myself of my experiment. This would happen for a while. I don’t remember how long exactly.

Eventually, I would no longer think about instagram or facebook or posting photos. I no longer reached for my phone during those moments of beauty I found myself upon. I was living in the moment, really just being in the moment of whatever I was doing and where ever I was. Perhaps my brain made new connections and so I stopped reaching for my phone. And, when I realized this, which was a gradual process, I felt so liberated. I don’t really know liberated from what exactly, but perhaps just from the desire or need to share where I am and what I am doing.

Don’t take this the wrong way, I still look at instagram and this is the main way I keep in touch with my cousins and brother, perhaps even get the news. And I find so much inspiration from it, especially in the realm of yoga and food. It’s a wonderful tool. But like all tools, I think it depends on how you use it. I still find myself some days checking it so many times, too many times. It is so addictive. So, for me, like life in general, it is all about balance.

Not Instagrammed: Interesting Swamp Scene on hike. Azusa, CA May 2019

And, since we are talking about building new good habits and establishing routines, I have begun a new morning and bedtime routine about 2 months ago. It’s not really new, since I had done it before, though I would fall out of the routine and jump back in, so it wasn’t as consistent, but it has been pretty consistent the last 2 months, and I have felt such an improvement in my days and in my nights.

During the morning, the first thing I do is have my coffee. I take the time to grind beans so it’s fresh and boil the water with a fast boiler. I use the pour over method, which I have been for years and absolutely love. Coffee for me, is a non-negotiable. It wakes me up and makes me happy. I sip my coffee on the sofa, enjoy the view of green mountains, and that is it. I try not to think of anything or think about my day yet, I just focus on sipping my coffee, smelling it and waking up, slowly. Sometimes, if I’m lucky, Bodhi will hop onto my lap and cuddle with me for a bit.

When I was working at the farm, I would take the first few sips like this, and then, for the sake of time, I would hop onto my yoga mat and do a few morning poses, cow and cat, a few lunges, forward folds, some sun salutations, and in between poses, I would continue sipping my coffee. I would feel so energized getting my body moving and the energy flowing in a positive way first thing in the morning after hours of sleep. Then I would hop over to the computer room where I have a chair by the window. I have to sit here to get internet reception on my phone so that I can hear my headspace app for meditation. At first, I was annoyed at this, the fact that I couldn’t just meditate on my yoga mat, but then I found the chair quite comfortable for meditation and the view beautiful as well,  so it all worked out. I do 10 mins usually, but sometimes, if I’m pressed for time, I’ll do 5 mins. This part of my morning is so important. I feel like meditation sets the tone for my day, one of clarity and positivity. It also gives me a moment to practice gratitude and that also makes me feel so good and gives such perspective on life.

After that, I do all my bathroom business and get dressed then I’m out the door. The main point that has helped a lot has been that I do not look at my phone or other electronics for the first few hours of my morning. I used to sip my coffee while I scrolled through emails on my phone/ looked at instagram, and though it took me a while, I began to notice that this really exhausted me. I suppose it was just information overload. And, frankly, mostly information I did not need.  It’s also perhaps a luxury of my job. The lettuces and leeks wouldn’t be emailing me, I just knew I had to get down to them ;)

Not Instagrammed: Beautiful CA Buckwheat on trail. Azusa, CA May 2019

After a month, I began noticing the difference. I felt so much more energy in the morning and had such clarity and focus throughout the day. My mind felt less cluttered with stories that didn’t serve me. Some mornings, like Saturday mornings, I’ll sip my coffee, do some yoga and look at instagram because it’s fun and I do enjoy it. Or, I'll sip my coffee and scroll through before yoga and meditation. But, that's more like a treat.

For my evening routine, I also eliminate all electronics at least 1 hour before bed, 2 hours is better though. I don’t look at my phone or the computer. Sometimes, if we watch a movie or show, then I make an exception, but this is rare so it’s ok. The other night I happened to look at my phone because I had gotten a text which usually doesn’t happen, but it did and then I got sucked into some instagram perhaps or something on the phone and had to pull myself out of it. I noticed that night I did not fall asleep as well. I try to be in bed by 9 or 9:30pm though, this week I've been closer to 9pm which has been great. Most of the time I am successful since my body naturally gets tired around then. I like to read a few words from whatever books I’m reading next to my corner of the bed and then fall asleep.

Together, these routines of starting and ending the day have improved my functioning and feeling during the day. I feel like I’m functioning more optimally by keeping to these electronic boundaries for myself.

Not Instagrammed: Sage Blossoms. Azusa, CA May 2019

The world can wait. It really can. I think we keep trying to keep up with the pace of the world, and it’s just not humanely possible and we get swept away by all this stuff we don’t need, dampening and dulling our own personal creative spirits and thoughts, while perhaps even straining our adrenal glands.

I have learned in these past few months not to be pressured by responding to emails and texts and all that messaging stuff right away. Back then, when snail mail or telegrams were the only way to communicate, information took time to get to you and you had time to reflect and write something meaningful back. I love that we have email and that it keeps us so connected and makes life so efficient in many ways, but it also hinders our abilities to take time and reflect, since it's so easy to just respond right away. 

Time. Time is ours and time is precious. Don’t let these superficial pressures of responding right away get the most of your time. Look up, look outside, gaze at the stars or sunset once in a while rather than your phone. Take time to be with your people, to smell the flowers, sages, and buckwheats, together. See how you feel afterwards.

People can wait and if they can’t, they can learn. They will live if you don’t answer them right away. Try it! I promise it’ll be ok if you don’t respond right away. So, for September (and beyond) let's slow down and savor life.

*photos by me. 

Sweet September

Purple Garlic from Provence is our favorite and gives me Fall feels.

Oh, Sweet September, how I've longed for you since August. And now you are finally here, with your chilly and bedazzling starry night skies. I welcome you with full embrace. My heart is happy for a new season and new routine. Last night, Jorris and I slept with our bedroom window closed because it was a little chilly, and I got the thicker wool blanket out, folded at our feet, just in case. Bodhi snuggled by my head; I think to keep warm since the wool blanket, which he had been sleeping on, had slipped to the floor.

The sound of his purring and feel of his soft fur against my ear lulled me back to sleep. I had gotten up to go to the bathroom and upon my return to bed noticed out the window a beautiful night sky, pitched black and sparkled with stars. It had been the first time I had seen the stars in what felt like so long ago. They were literally sparkling! I couldn't believe my eyes, in fact, I kept blinking and refocusing to make sure I was seeing reality. Half asleep, I forced myself to stand just a second longer and marvelled at the beauty above me. I hopped back into bed, spooning mon amour as he slept soundlessly.

This past week had been my first week of no longer working on the farm. I had finished my last day the Friday before. My contract had ended and while I was offered a new one, I felt in my heart and spirit and physical being that it was time for a change, so I kindly declined. We had a team meeting and there I let my voice be heard. We were all sharing our thoughts and feelings. I found the right moment for me to speak, and in French, spoke all that was in my mind and heart. I shared my gratitude as well as my frustrations. I cried, and while embarrassing, it felt so good to be seen and heard. I allowed myself to be vulnerable enough to speak my truth.

Farming Sistas @ Chez Isnardi's field. 

I think it was the first time in my life that I had ever done that, to speak truly from my heart in front of people whom I'm not so close to. Normally, I would just brush things off and "let them go," but I think I have stepped into a new phase of my life where I just want to be authentic and true about who I am openly, even if it makes others uncomfortable or even if they won't understand. While I have always strived to be authentic and true, it was never really important to me to show that to others, but now, I feel it is important. It is as equally important to make ourselves seen and heard for who we are rather than stay small, as much of society wants us to be. Before, it was enough for me just to know for myself how I felt or what I believed, but I think others can learn something as well and we can evolve as a collective.

These concepts of being vulnerable and being seen and not staying small I have learned from Brené Brown, shame and vulnerability researcher and author. She has written so many books on these topics, and I have found her ted talks and books inspirational. I wasn't intending on using these concepts, perhaps they were just in my subconscious and found a moment to be revealed. It was a learning opportunity for us all. I wish we had had more meetings like this. I spoke up for my friend and colleague Indira as well and since working with her I have grown to respect and love this remarkable soul.

Colorful Grape Tomatoes.

All in all, I am so grateful for the opportunity to have worked on the farm. Despite the challenges that we all faced as a team this season, we have grown some pretty beautiful vegetables and fed lots of people, so I am proud of what we have accomplished. I have learned so much about growing food and about life. I am especially grateful to have met Indira, my new soul sister. I believe we were meant to cross paths and learn from one another.

Now that the season is shifting too, I feel so ready for a new routine and this past week has been a great start. Jorris and I went to deliver some honey at Le Country Store and Jean de La Tomate, two adorable stores in Nice where we now sell our honey at. We also pitched some honey sales to a few organic food stores, went to the bank and post office, did grocery shopping, and then made a movie date out of it since we were in the city. We went to Cagnes Sur Mer to watch "Once Upon of Time in Hollywood," the new Tarantino film. It was excellent, funny and entertaining. We enjoyed every moment with popcorn. Did you know that in France they don't put butter in their popcorn?! It's so ironic because everywhere else they put butter except for movie popcorn. My father would not approve. Luckily, the popcorn was fresh and movie was great, so I can't complain.

Made this carrot cake last week for our friends. Can't wait for more baking!

Autumn for me means more time for tea.

It is amazing how changing up your routine can change how you feel and open up your mind in so many ways. As humans who lived by nature, we lived by the seasons and so naturally, we were not always doing the same things. For example when the weather changes and veggies can no longer grow in snow, we turn to other kinds of work, like baking carrot cake. It feels great to live more closely to this natural pattern of seasonality. My body is happy too, for a break from the same farming movements. I've been doing much more yoga and just focusing on opening up the tight parts of my body, mostly my shoulders at the moment.

This was from last Fall 2018 <333 Photo: Jorris

So, here's to September, Autumn, crispy orange and yellow leaves, wool socks, cozy sweaters, more cups of rooibos tea and knitting that scarf for my favorite guy, hopefully with Bodhi snuggled on my lap. And here's to a great season of organic farming in the southern French Alps. A deep thank you to my colleagues and Mother Earth for all their life lessons this growing season.




*photos by me, unless otherwise noted.

New Beginnings

Freshly collected organic eggs.

This week I started my new job at Agnès and Renaud's organic farm here in the Southern French Alps. We buy our veggies and eggs from them every week at the artisanal store right by our house called Montagnes Paysannes (Mountain Peasants). We also sell our honey at the same shop. We’ve known them for a few years now and they are a kind couple with strong organic farm ethics, so when I spoke to Agnes about looking for a job maybe working at the store, she said to me that they were looking for some farm hands for help this season, and my eyes lit up. 

I’m so happy for spring’s arrival. The many blossoms and flowers add some color to an otherwise green and gray canvas of hillside and mountain. I feel like these are gifts from nature for making it through winter, a token of appreciation. I can feel a shift in the energy of my surroundings. I see bees buzzing around the blossoms, hear the birds more loudly, and all of our farm friends are up over their heads with work. It’s the beginning of a new season indeed, and I am hopeful and excited. 

Purple Irises add globs of color to the side of the farm house. 

Mysterious cone flowers the bees go crazy for!

We started off the week with a large egg delivery. I was in charge of collecting and preparing hundreds of eggs in their cartons for delivery to CSA (community supported agriculture) members and up-end restaurants and hotels in Nice. It’s no surprise that some top restaurants on the French Riviera want local, organic and quality eggs. We are lucky to have them each week too. Working at another CSA farm, where the consumers and farmer share a risk in the struggles and benefits of farming, reminded of my early days years ago farming in Montana. 

I greet the hens and say thank you for each egg I harvest in the end house. It’s been a bit of a dilemma for me because a part of me feels bad for stealing their eggs. Perhaps it’s part of my woman’s instinct, though I have not experienced motherhood, taking away the babies of another feels wrong. Jorris made the point that they are not fertilized eggs so there is no baby yet, but I still feel that it is a potential baby the way I see then hens sit on them, keeping them warm and protected. Most move out of the way but some are more aggressive and don’t want to leave their eggs. Their pecks and the way they fluff up their bodies tell me so. When I do get the eggs, they are warm in my fingers. I say thank you, sorry, and leave. 

Every morning I say bonjour to the girls et merci.

Gifts I pull from their little nesting houses. 

"Bio" (organic) eggs I packaged into cartons for the stores.

I suppose it’s the same with honey. We are technically stealing honey from the bees who make them. Of course, we don’t take all of their honey like some do. But maybe it doesn’t affect my moral judgement as much because I don’t see a bee sitting on its honey and protecting it? I feel the sting though, occasionally. 

Perhaps the silver-lining of working with the hens, gathering their eggs, stepping in their poop, giving gratitude to them each day, allows me to be closer to where my food comes from. To me it’s a special feeling, perhaps even rare in this day and age, to know so intimately where our food comes from. It is something our modern-day society lacks, and I believe this disconnect between where our food comes from and ourselves is making us sick. The low-quality, processed commercial “food items” produced on massive monocultures, mostly of genetically-modified corn and soy, making Mother Earth sick and us in return. 

The taoist see the inner body as a landscape. This metaphor resonates with this notion of our relation to Mother Earth’s landscape. If her rivers and oceans are polluted, so is the blood that flows in our veins. If we poison her soil with chemicals, we poison ourselves. 

I’ve been enjoying my work outdoors in the fresh air of the French Alps, chemical free. We drink pure water, which comes directly from the local spring. Our hands hold living, clean earth saturated with microorganisms, which I’m sure are making me healthier, along with the chicken poop. So much of our earth’s soil is dead from over-farming. So much of the food most people eat from the supermarkets are pasteurised or overly clean. How can we expect to live harmoniously with the many other microscopic organisms if we kill them all off? How can we expect not to get sick or have allergies when we sterilize everything and our bodies are not exposed to any bacteria?

I love all the freckles and imperfects of these beauties, not to mention taste! 

Heavy cases of eggs ready for delivery. 

Anyway, I digress. Farming is hard work, no doubt. But, I am learning how to work smarter and not harder. This doesn’t mean cutting corners or faking it because in farming, you can’t “fake it till you make it”. Farming is something else. It requires patience, honesty and you literally reap what you sow.  

I feel like I am developing a different part of my brain. For one, the language part, since while I am learning to farm I am also learning a lot of new French vocabulary. Secondly, I am getting better at understanding economics, making predictions, and calculating time. For example, with the eggs, I was placing the finished cartons in the big box for delivery and that big box was to my left on the table. After I filled that box with 21 egg cartons, I had to lift it down to the ground where it should have been. thought to myself, why didn’t I predict that it would need to be on the ground and just leave the box on the ground, adding the egg cartons into it, eliminating the steps of lifting the box onto the table and then later lifting the heavy box loaded with fragile eggs to set it onto the ground? These seemingly little innocuous things add up and I want to preserve my physical capabilities for the long haul. 

With tasks like these, I look to do things more efficiently and find that I naturally apply these little improvements to other parts of my life. Saving a little time here and there through efficient work saves a lot of time at the end of the day, week, month, year. And time is precious. 

"French Breakfast" radishes freshly harvested and washed for artisanal store.

As simple as packaging eggs may sound, which it is, I’m learning so much, finding beauty in the mundane. After all, farming is really just a combination of monotonous tasks, I’m learning. Sure, the end results of big leafy rainbow chard or crunchy “French Breakfast” radish (which I got to taste yesterday straight from the ground) and happy customers are all beautiful and romantic pictures of what it means to farm, but it’s not what we see nor do everyday. What we see everyday is a puzzle piece of irrigation lines and parts. What we do everyday is walk back and forth, to and from the same fields, looking for pieces of irrigation parts or moving things around. And the most seemingly simple tasks such as putting up the plastic of the hoop house takes hours. But through the small little moments of waiting for Indira to throw me the line from across the house so I can secure it on the pole, I take in the fresh air, admire the white cherry blossoms and birds chirping.  

The serre where we added the plastic onto and the cherry blossoms.

I am a romantic at heart, can’t change it even if I tried, and believe me I have tried. I’ve learned to accept my nature though, even appreciate it. Because, I have seen around me, even from the very hard-working farmers who probably started out as romantics, that life can harden you and you can loose perspective so easily in the mundane. As Indira, my colleague, whom I work with said yesterday while we were in the chicken coop in French something like, “Life will swallow you up, if you’re not tough,” I thought to myself that is very true and I am getting tougher, but I also I wish to safeguard the appreciation for beauty and curiosity of life because if we lose touch with those, what is left or worth living for? This is not to say that she has lost touch per se, just that her quote makes me think that it is dangerous to be soft and vulnerable in life. And it is, but I think only when we take that risk of vulnerability can we experience true beauty and joy.

*photos by Tiffanie Ma.

Our French Wedding

I don’t know if I believe in forever or happily ever after. Too many of life’s lessons learned by loved ones, friends and strangers alike have me cautious. I do, however, believe in: love, perseverance, courage, hard work, and dreaming, dreaming BIG. That’s why, one month ago today, Jorris and I took the greatest leaps of our lives by saying “oui” in the tiny mayor’s office of our tiny village in the Southern French Alps.

“Oui” is French for “yes”.  We said yes to sharing and building a life together, nature and her wisdom as our guide, and love from all our friends and family. Although we sort of eloped (sort of because we didn’t tell our family until last minute and we had a little planning time) and our friends and family couldn’t be there, we still felt such love and joy.

I didn’t have so many expectations, just went with the flow. I’ve been feeling like this most days these days. It’s all in a good way. Not that I am complacent or don’t care, rather the contrary; it’s just that I think I’ve discovered an equilibrium for myself to live a life of balance, focusing on the important things (family, friends, health) and not so much the small stuff. It’s a daily practice. Yoga and meditation are my tools.

It was a Saturday. The morning of our wedding, I awoke, rested and peaceful in our yurt, on the royal bed Jorris had built for us last Winter. The sun was shining, luckily, since it had rained days before. It was just another morning, but so much more. I put on my robe, made my way to the farmhouse kitchen where my future husband was eating his oatmeal breakfast and had coffee ready for me. We exchanged “bonjour mon amour,” “good morning my love,” to each other and smiled, knowing it was just another day, but also not just another day.

I quickly finished the last sips of my coffee and made my way to the garden with scissors in hand. I began picking flowers for my bouquet and Jorris’ boutineer. I decided to keep it simple and elegant with wild carrot flowers, white and lacey, and of course, lavender. The lavender would match well with the lavender crown I had made yesterday. I made my crown with a variety of Lavender named lavandin. It is bold and beautifully, with bigger flower stalk and stronger lavender scent. I actually didn’t plan on using this particular lavender, I prefer the wild one, lavandula angustifolia, normally, but this one just presented itself to me fresh and still on the bush just down our farm house. Philippe had planted these and luckily, hadn’t harvested them yet.

I decided last minute to make a boutineer for Jorris, also of wild carrot and lavender, to match my bouquet. He was so enthralled and happy for it. Knowing our wedding time was 11am, I made my way back up to our yurt to quickly iron our clothes and get dressed.

My dress was linen and I had actually found it in a vintage store last year for 2 euros! Jorris’ outfit, ironically, was more expensive than mine! We had made a special trip to Nice a few weeks before to get him some dress pants, shirt and shoes. He already had a blazer.  I wore some sandals I had, which I felt were fitting for my simple dress, plus very comfy for my feet.

I wore this gold lariette necklace my Mother gave to me from the Metropolitan museum in New York when she was there for a trip.  I love that necklace and felt that by wearing it in a way my Mom was there.  I think it added elegance to my simple dress as well. I also wore this bracelet which was Daniel’s mother’s and his engagement gift to me along with a red string with blessings from the Dala Lama which Daniel and Sylvaine also gifted me before our wedding as an engagement gift.

We made our way down to Daniel and Sylvaine’s house. Francoise, the Tibetian Buddhist nun in retreat, and our wonderful friend, heard our car and rushed to the road to wish us luck and see us. She said we looked fantastic, perhaps even surprised by how well we cleaned up, since usually we are in our work clothes when we see her.

We arrived at Daniel and Sylvaine’s house where they greeted us with happy smiles and also complimented our outfits in exasperation. They gave us a ride down to the Guillaumes (village). Sylvaine was my witness and Philippe was Jorris’. Philippe would meet us down in Guillaumes.

We arrived just in time and were invited upstairs of the Mayor’s office which is quite a big building. It’s called “Hotel de Ville” in French, and it actually looks like a hotel building, blue shutters and all. In France, people get married by the mayor of the village or city where they live or where their family is from.

I had been inside the Mayor’s office, but I had never been upstairs. Upstairs is where marriages take place. The room is beautiful with art on the walls and though non-religious, it had a feel of a small church. Jorris and I greeted the Mayor of Guillaumes, Jean-Paul with the standard “bisous,” one kiss on each cheek. His assistant, Cedric stood beside him. Cedric helped us get all our papers in order for our wedding.

We were invited to sit in front of the Mayor and Cedric, and then he told us both to stand. He spoke in French of course, and although I couldn’t catch everything he said, Jorris translated some for me afterwards. A lot of it was about family and our duties and responsibilities. When he looked at me and said “Tiffanie.....something something...Jorris...(pause),” I knew that was my cue to say “Oui,” yes! Thankfully, in France, you don’t have to repeat after the person marrying you, otherwise I would have had a more challenging time. Saying “oui” was perfect. Then he asked Jorris the same thing and Jorris said “oui”. Then we exchanged rings and kissed. Cedric read our marriage certificate, which indicates that today we were marrying and where each of us is born and our who our parents are and their professions. We signed the certificate, together with the Mayor, Philippe and Sylvaine. And just like that we were husband and wife. 

There was such a feeling of serenity and joy, like we had just accomplished such  a grand task. I had asked Philippe to take some photos of us and I have to say he did a fantastic job. We couldn’t have done this, without Daniel, Sylvaine and Philippe both literally (you need two French witnesses), and spiritually, (they supported us all the way).  And we were even more lucky to have Daniel and Sylvaine because they were going to Greece the next day! I had come to France with just one month before returning to US (for a concert with my brother) and so we were quite crunched in terms of time. We had just enough. Enough time to go to the US consulate in Marseille to get a document saying I am single; enough time for the post in which the couple to be married has their names and wedding announcement posted so that if anyone should disagree they have 10 days to do so. It’s tradition.

The Mayor gifted us with this beautiful basket of flowers on behalf of the Mayor’s office. And then, he spoke to us, not from a formal script but from his heart. He said that my lavender crown was “magnific,” a symbol of our life together working with nature. He said how wonderful it was that we work with nature and that he hopes we continue to be a part of the community and make a life Guillaumes for years to come. It was so genuine and kind. We accept the flowers with gratitude and made our way out. Then we heard music playing! It was that wedding song from the movies when the bride and groom exit the church. We were surprised and smiled. They put so much thought into our little wedding, it was so sweet and forever memorable.

We took a few photos and then crossed the street to have a drink at the tabac shop, the local cafe of the village. People were sitting outside with their drinks basking in the 11am hour sunshine and when we entered they all clapped in joy for our wedding. It was such a warm feeling, these complete strangers clapping and admiring us! All I could do was say “merci,” nod and smile. An older man leaned over and said to me “vous etes belle,” which means “you are beautiful.” I thought that was so kind. Who knew my homemade lavender crown and 2 euro dress would make me beautiful.

We had drinks. Even the mayor joined us. There Daniel and Sylvaine gave us our wedding present of a tea set of dishes and cups. They are beautiful with flowers. I can’t wait to use them! He also gave us antique dinner dishes from his Mother.

After our drink we took a few more photos. I just looked around and said hey let’s take a photo by that fountain. I didn’t think so much about it. Sylvaine took our photo and it turned out to be the best photo of the day. I love these so much. They capture everything about our wedding and life. All the simplicity and beauty, the fountain, the flowers, the blue shutters in the background the painting in the far left corner on the wall, my foot lifted up just a little (totally not choreographed!). I am really so proud of that photo and cherish it with all my heart.

After those photos we were on our way up the mountain to Valberg, a neighboring village for a grand lunch at L’italiano, the best Italian restaurant in Southern France! It’s a small restaurant but the food is authentic and it’s like eating in Italy. The chef and owner is Italian. Italy is close to us so it makes sense.

They welcomed us warmly as always and offered us prosecco on the house. The sounds of clapping filled the restaurant as we entered. Daniel started it I think since he began clapping first. He’s so festive and sweet that way. Then we ordered appetizers to share, tomato bruchetta, cepes bruchetta. Sylvaine ordered a cepes risotto. Cepes is a type of mushroom. Daniel ordered a meat dish of some kind. Jorris ordered the ravioli with truffles and pecorino cheese. Philippe ordered pasta with cepes. I ordered pasta arrabiata, a little spicy and oh so delicious. Of course we shared a bottle of this exquisite red wine, which I can’t remember the name of. We all had various desserts. I had the panna cotta. Our meal was so intimate, clinking glasses, laughs all around, and some silence as we all devoured and savored our meals. I almost didn’t have room for dessert, almost. Philippe presented his wedding present to us, a book all about mushrooms from all over Europe. There are identifying pictures as well as recipes!

After dessert, bellies full, we headed home to our mountain. We stopped by Daniel and Sylvaine’s home for some sparkling water and just to sit and savor the ending of a wonderful wedding day with them.

Never did I imagine I’d marry a mountain man in France and move there! Nor did I think I’d have a French Countryside wedding. Sometimes the most magical and beautiful things we can’t even imagine happen to us. We have to just embrace it with  love, perseverance, courage and hard work. Jorris and I wouldn’t be married if it we didn’t share these values. We wouldn’t have taken this leap into the craziness of marriage and beekeeping and country living if not for these.

Cheers to my husband, Jorris, for saying yes to a life of adventure with me, in all its craziness, beauty, and love. After a month of being married, I still don’t know if I believe in forever or happily ever after, but I do know that Jorris convinces me more and more each day, and I believe more and more each day in the life we are creating together.






*photos by Tiffanie, Philippe, Daniel and Sylvaine.