Café Langues Échange

It was around back in January of this year when I posted this flyer around my village of Puget-Theniers here in the southern French Alps. At the same time I was taking a French Intensive course with Alliance Française in Nice. Everyday for a month I took the 790 bus from here to the city and the ride was 1.5 hours each way! But it was worth it because I learned so much and made some lovely friends.

Anyway, back to the flyer. I had this idea to make an exchange with a French speaker wanting to learn English. I imagined we could have a coffee and speak part of the time in French and part of the time in English. And, perhaps I could even make some new friends. Out of curiosity I did some research and turns out these types of exchanges already exist, which was fantastic to know. So I posted this flyer up at the local carrefour supermarché and on a village bulletin board, not knowing what to expect. I believe it wasn't until near the end of March when I got a call from Laurent.

I was nervous but we had a coffee and great first meeting. Laurent speaks English quite well and his level of English is higher than mine in French, but we manage well. Soon after our first exchange, he brought his partner Magali who also wants to learn English. Her level is more novice, but I've printed out worksheets for beginner English learners and we've had laughs and made progress over ambré beers at Chez Math, a local bar and restaurant. Turns out Laurent and Magali live just down the street from us. And, it also turns out that I have made two wonderful new friends.

It's such a small world because Laurent makes the deliveries of the veggies and eggs at the farm where I work at so we are also colleagues in a way. And, Magali is one of the bus drivers for the 790 which I took to Nice everyday for my French lessons. After I finally formally met her, I recognized  her right away as the really nice bus driver! That's the beauty of village life for you.

This is my 5th year studying French! I can't believe it's been that long. I've only ever had 1 month of formal study in a classroom. But I've been living on and off in France for the last 5 years and so have learned French mostly just in daily life, with some self-workbooks sprinkled in. Though it's been an informal learning, I would say it has been a very integrated study. I've been learning French as a child would learn a new language, all in the context of real life through practice and everyday exchanges with people. Below are my tips to learning French, or any language. I was 26 when I started learning French, so age is no matter!

Les Essentielles: Les cafés, la croissant et la dictionnaire. 

5 Tips for Learning a New Language:

1. Surrender, accept that you will make mistakes (lots of mistakes), some very embarrassing. For my surfers out there it's like when you are out in the water and you just have to surrender to Mother Nature and the waters, and going with where the waves and tide take you rather than resisting.

2. Surround yourself with the language. It really helps to immerse yourself, in whatever capacity you can. The best is of course living the country or a community with people who speak the language you are trying to learn and just hearing it everyday and seeing it written everywhere on signs and menus. Being forced to speak the language daily also trains your brain and those muscles in your mouth and tongue to formulate those words. If you can't quite immerse yourself yet, watch lots of movies or listen to music or see youtube channels about this language. If there is a specific topic you are interested in or have a passion for, like for me it's gardening, then look up videos or media on this in your language of interest!

3. Speak, Speak, Speak! Don't be afraid to speak the language as much as you can and with the surrendering of number 1, don't be afraid to make mistakes and sound silly. Have compassion for yourself, you are learning, your brain is growing bigger, people know you are learning and most of the time have compassion for you and appreciate you learning their language. It's all good. It's very important to keep exercising those muscles in our mouths and tongues that are foreign to our native language. Set a timer for an hour and speak only the language you are learning, no matter how hard it is. Start a Café Langue Échange in your community! Post a flyer or go to a forum/social media outlet and post that you are looking for a language exchange. Speak for 1/2 hour in the language you want to learn and 1/2 hour in your native language for your exchange partner.

4. Read, Read, Read! Carry a pocket dictionary or picture dictionary around and look up words you don't know or make notes of words you hear and don't know to look up later. My French to English/English to French dictionary is my best friend, well next to my opinel (French pocket knife). For me, looking up words the old-fashioned way with a book dictionary somehow allows me to remember better that word. Perhaps it's the time it takes to look it up and read the definition? But I find that when I look it up that way rather than google translate on my phone (although google translate can be helpful at times too) I remember the word so much better. As you build vocabulary, you have more building blocks to make new sentences with. For me, as a visual learner, when I see a word and how it is spelled and used in a sentence, I remember it better and know how to use it. I like reading these little pamphlets from the organic store which come out monthly, sort of like a newsletter. It's just my level of French, simple, and the topics are everything I am interested in: food, farming, creating personal care products, so I feel motivated to read and to look up words I don't know since it's a topic that interests me. Graphic novels are really great, too! Oh and subtitles! I would watch a movie in French and read the subtitles in English and then watch English movies with French subtitles. Or, French movie with French subtitles. All three ways can be helpful, as well as starting out with a film or story you already know. Explore what works best for you.

5. Make friends with people who speak the language you want to learn. If they don't speak any language other than that language you want to learn, even better! This will really force you to learn and practice. My landlord for our first apartment in France (the apartment castle) didn't speak a word of English, and I always enjoyed having tea or mojitos with her because she was a cool person but also because I could really hone in on my French with her. Even more romantic, if you can fall upon a lover who speaks the language you want to learn and, the important part, who doesn't speak your native language. So the last part of that last sentence is good for learning a new language I think, but I imagine that being really hard to growing a relationship with someone. Jorris, my husband, speaks French but also English (and Dutch, German and Spanish), so it's great because he helps me with my French but also not great because he loses patience quickly and turns back to English. For our relationship though, I'm so glad he speaks English so we can communicate our feelings.




*photos and flyer by me. 

Dukkha

We’re all a little bruised and broken. Suffering is indiscriminate. No matter who you are or where you come from or where you were and where you are going, no matter your gender, age, the color of your hair, your morals and beliefs, rich or poor, we all suffer.

The Buddha said that life is Dukkha. Life is suffering. To live is to suffer. Because, as the Buddha explained we are living in the cycle of samsara: life, death, rebirth; and with living comes suffering because karma, the law of cause and effect, can lead to suffering.

Some say our sufferings stem from ancestral wounds that never healed. This is a new concept for me, which I am curious about. I wonder though, does this mean that we can blame others for our suffering? Does this mean that we have no control over it, and it’s all predetermined through an ancestral algorithm of sorts? If not any of these hypotheses, then what does any of it mean?

Of course, humans are not the only beings or spirits which suffer, though I feel as though our suffering is worse because we are complicated creatures who perhaps bring a lot of it upon ourselves.

Some days, like today, all we can do is feel it through and just observe. For me it’s yoga, a walk in the woods, playing guitar, or writing a blog post, but for you, it could be something else. Whatever that space or action that can lead to cathartic expressions I believe can be incredibly healing.

Today I got onto my mat and discovered a deep well of sadness. I felt its darkness and absence of love. I didn’t know it was there until I got into a posture, just lying on my belly and breathing, and I began crying for all the things I felt and couldn’t say. In this state of delicacy, however, my mind was so clear. It was as if my mind was soothing my heart and just observing these emotions, and sort of consoling my heart that it’s ok to feel emotions like sadness and “just cry, just keep breathing and feel what you need to feel, without judgment, attachment or shame,” my mind instructed.

I think my meditation practice has helped me become so much stronger, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I have to thank Andy Puddicombe from my Headspace app, and my soon to be brother-in-law Steven for having introduced me to the app in spring 2017 when I had gone to visit him and brother Kevin in San Francisco. I’ve been meditating since then and this practice has changed my life.

I’ve learned tools to help me not be afraid of my thoughts or emotions and to just observe them like passing clouds because underneath all the dark clouds there is always a blue sky. This analogy can often be found in meditation practices, and I learned about it through headspace. We just have to remember we have peace of mind all the time (blue sky) and that sometimes those clouds of sadness or doubts will creep in. Meditation has allowed me to better understand myself and my mind. Slowly I begin to see patterns and why I do or think the way I do, all from a place of tender curiosity and deep compassion. I am reminded of how human I am and constantly question what it means to be human and why we do what we do and don’t do what we don’t do.

Life, even in the Southern French Alps, is not always a fairytale. It’s hard no matter where you are. I’ve made more French friends here and have learned of more sad stories and pain and suffering are the recurring theme. It puts things into perspective.

For me life has been so condensed and charged with change these last 6 months. I got married, moved to a new country, moved to a new village within that country, intensified my studies of this new language, continued building my business while my husband continued building his and finding a way for those to blend together, all while raising a young cat and the learning curve that comes with raising a cat for the first time.

In this moment we are the crucible of building a new life, together. It’s getting hot inside as more responsibilities and deadlines pile up for this loan to that. It seems to never end and some weeks, we seem to never see each other as we live in the mountains and loans and banks live in the city and now the bees are on the coast so Jorris has been driving back and forth between all places, his cup filled with bee work, business class work with a dash of bank/finance work.

He’s stretching himself in all directions and you can imagine what that does to a person, and for a newlywed couple. His cup can fill no more. There’s no more room for drops of my quirky jokes or childish comments like this morning when I said “what if I loved Bodhi (our cat) so much he turned into a real human?!” Texting a business text and not hearing my comment, Jorris continued with his work. 

Then those quirky jokes and my wish for attention get swept under the rug and soon the rug isn’t big enough to cover it all up. Then what?

It seems like this sort of pressure-filled feeling has always been in our relationship since the beginning, perhaps a sort of relationship karma? At first it was, soon I’ll have to go back to CA because my visa will expire so we’ll be apart again but for how long; then it was where do we want to make our life in France or U.S.; then now, how are we going to do it...all these choices and life decisions that just seem to keep demanding an answer now.

Jorris had been camping in L’Esterel and working with the bees and various business formations in Nice so we hadn’t really seen each other until we went on a date night on Sunday. It had been the first just-us date night in a while at the local Au Bon Coin (The Good Corner) restaurant in our village. Over trout and pizza we had a moment to just be a couple, and while some clouds lingered, I could see the blue sky for a moment.

This morning though, I’m not sure if it’s as blue. My heart is heavy. I continue to breathe through the uncertainty that is life. What else can we do? Whatever happens though will happen as it should and life will continue because it just does. Someone close to my heart the other day wrote to me and reminded me of how I was a bright ray of sunshine to her from across the ocean and that she admired my authenticity and how I could put love above all else. It was beautifully written and sincere. I felt a sense of peace after reading it because even if I accomplish nothing more in this life, at least I know I inspired love and light from a place of authenticity for one person and that’s more than enough for me.

If, to be human is to suffer, but to suffer is to know or have known true love, beauty and wisdom, then perhaps it is worth it, wherever our paths may lead.





*Photos by Tiffanie Ma

In a Nutshell

Les fleurs sauvage: Primevère Acaule

Sometimes I feel like I’m in my 30s and retired. I’m writing a memoir, gardening, going to the weekly village knitting club, and recently, started a French and English Café Exchange. That looks like the schedule of a retired gal in Southern France, right?! I guess what is not mentioned and not so retire-y is that I am in the process of job hunting, for what I’m not sure, whatever feeds my gypsy soul.

Happy first day of spring!! I know it’s been a while since I’ve been here, my apologies. Life happens fast. No excuses though, I really want to me more present here. I miss Garden Gallivanter and sharing my thoughts here with you all. I feel a shift today, maybe because it’s soon to be a full moon, and it’s the Spring Equinox; and it’s also the first time both are happening at the same time since 1981?!

I want to say that since I’ve been living in the south of France and this life close to nature, I am aligning more to her rhythms. Or, maybe it’s just all in my head, I’m not sure, but I know something is happening. Like today, I took a long nap, knocked out for 2 hours! I love naps, just normally don’t take them, but today, I just really needed one. I’m going to say the Spring Equinox and full moon coming has had something to do with it.

The first day of spring is quite special, especially for beekeepers I suppose, since it marks the first day of the season I would venture to say....to my beekeepers out there, would you agree? The season though, began long before today, months before. Jorris has been working in the workshop up in Villetale building frames for the new hives we will soon pick up in Montpellier (city in Southern France) since January? And, he has been very preoccupied with paperwork and taking mandatory formations in Nice while caring for our hives, which are still on the coast in L’Esterel (I think my favorite place of the French Riviera!)

La bonne brood @L'Esterel.

So much has happened since I was last here, so I’ll try to be brief but thorough. We went to Holland for the holidays. It was picturesque. Northern Europe, if I can call it that, is like the birthplace of Christmas. It felt like that with the Christmas markets and traditions we experienced. Unfortunatley, Jorris' Grandma on his French side, Leonie, passed away, so we made our way back to France, to the Alsace, a north-east region of France with a long historical border conflict with Germany. Despite the circumstances, it was a beautiful opportunity to be with family, and for me, meet new family for the first time.

Colmar Noel Marche

Mon bus route a Nice pour la cours intensive Francais pendant Janvier. 

Mes grandparents, ma Ama et Aye avec mon petit frere Kevin et moi.  

The month of January was busy busy since I was taking an intensive French course in Nice everyday and rode the bus for 3 hours everyday for the month! I loved it and it was so worth it. I made friends and had a superb professor. I really learned so much that one month. I continue working through the text book on my own. I also did two days of important French immigration formalities, which having already gone back and forth to Nice for the week and then having to go on the bus again on Saturday, to spend a whole day of lecture, was extremely exhausting, but I made it.

At the end of February, my Grandpa Ma passed away. He was 96 and truly lived life to the fullest, at least in my eyes. My heart was broken and still healing, just because I loved him so much, and we were so very close. So, I flew home to Los Angeles to pay my respects, read some words from my heart and cried with my family. I got to see my cousins, aunties, uncles, my father, brother, mother, and it really was a most special celebration of life. Perhaps I’ll share my eulogy to my Grandpa with you sometime.

La famille en premiere. Photo: Kevin Ma

It was a whirlwind, emotionally, and physically, since I was fighting terrible jet-lag and was only in L.A. for 3 full days before flying back to France! I did get to fly back however, with my mom, cousin Kitty (Kat), and my brother Kevin. We landed in Paris where Steven, my soon-to-be brother-in-law, would meet us. They had planned to come visit me months ago, since the end of last fall I believe. Kat was the surprise element, though, with the whole change of plans with my Grandpa leaving us, the “cat” was out of the bag when I was talking to my mom about my seat selection and she said, “I wonder if there’s a seat near me...well, I’m sitting next to Kat, and there’s maybe...oh shoot!...”

Truthfully though, I had known a few weeks ago about the surprise when my sweet Nimbo Thin told me with such enthusiasm for Kat to see Europe for the first time and go on a vacation! I really was so honored to be the one to introduce her to Europe and France.

Ça fait longtemps <333

Mon autre demi devant Monet. 

Le Louvre

We had a wonderful time in Paris for the weekend; I played pushy tour-guide and got us around the landmarks and museum must-sees of Paris. I won’t bore you with the details, unless you’re interested; but suffice it to say that no time was left squandered because we were either walking, perusing through impressionist paintings of Monet or eating yummy food. I will say though, that my favorite museum was L’Orangerie, for it’s serenity, beauty and it just left an “impression” on me.

I felt like Grandpa Ma was watching over us because things would happen like it was raining a bit the last day and we wanted to go to the Eiffel Tower and while it rained during the car ride, it stopped just as we got out! And it stayed dry and sunny through all the pics and then when we got back in another uber, it started raining again! I saw out the window this woman pushing against the strong gusts of wind with her umbrella that looked like it was nearly going to break!

Sacré Cœur.

Poor Steven had been sick so actually had to change his flight and come to join us the last day we were in Paris, only to fly again that same evening to Nice, since that was in our itinerary. Kat, and he and I did get to go to Montmarte and Sacré Cœur, which was quite special, as we clinked les cafés and roughly ripped off pieces of la baguette to share.

Les tous que on a besoin! Santé!

Ils sont heureux dans Montmarte. 

After arriving to Nice, we drove through the alps to their air b’n b which was right across the bridge from our apartment which was great! We spent a few days here, showing them around the village, Entrevaux, Guillaumes and dinner in Valberg so they could meet my French entourage. Ma belle mère, my mother-in-law, was also here! She had planned to visit as well and it just so happened to be at the same time of my family's visit. I was happy for her to have met my family and shared a brunch at the air b 'n b. That night, it was a cozy dinner at our favorite L’Italiano, in Valberg where we had our marriage luncheon 6 months ago!

I was happy that they now have faces to names I always talk about. We were all hungry and happy, stuffed with comfortingly decadent pasta dishes all-around, and wine, of course. My Mom was so sweet and paid for dinner for everyone! She has such a generous heart. And the best part was when she said, “Thank you all for taking care of Tiffanie.” My friends were touched and so was I. I felt like my Mom had come a long way from where we started in this French journey. It hasn’t always been smooth, nor easy. But, I think she’s arrived at a place of peace with it all, even happiness for me.

Dans le médiéval village d'Entrevaux. 

Le dîner @ L'Italiano dans Valberg, notre resto préféré. 

On a apprecié les mimosas dans L'Esterel. 

I’m proud of my family for coming all this way to visit me. It meant the world. We shared many beautiful moments, which I’ll cherish forever. I’m proud of them because it takes a lot of physical strength and an open heart to ride through the windy roads of the French alps and being in any new culture can be challenging. And it was all done in a short time and all of us having some jet-lag, plus, perhaps having been emotionally exhausted with my Grandpa’s funeral.

It took me a week to recover, to get back into my routine without missing them. The goodbye was more emotional than I was expecting. We hugged at the bus stop at the corner across from Galeries de Lafayette (shopping mall). I was catching the 2pm bus. I think I cried a little when I saw my Mom’s eyes well up...and then after hugging Kitty and seeing her eyes change with a little glimmer of tears. I stayed strong through my last embraces of everyone. It wasn't until on the bus ride that all my tears fell like a waterfall. I tried to contain myself. But, they were more tears of utter joy for having been able to spend such precious time with each other, since time is really so precious.

Ma mère, aka Mumsy. Photo: Kevin Ma

Tout les sourit.  Photo: Kevin Ma

Which is why I am starting a new routine by not staring my morning off with Instagram. I used to sip my coffee and scroll through Instagram and noticed with the new screen time app and just in general, that I was on there too much, like an hour in the morning and then there were more hours throughout the day. I realized with all those hours, I could finish the door-stopper of a book, Vietnam: A History The First Complete Account of the Vietnam War by Stanley Karnow, and in turn, finish the family memoir I am writing with my Auntie Barbara about our family's escape from Vietnam to America. It was my Grandpa Ma’s mission to flee Communist Vietnam with the whole family, and it really is an extraordinary tale, which needs to be written. I had wanted my Grandpa to see it in print, but I know he’ll be proud either way that we preserved a piece of history not only of our family, but of the world.

Le dernier dîner. 

Anyway, it’s not to say that I don’t like Instagram or against it; it’s just I have many projects to give my time too and while I find the app inspiring and a great way tool of connection and expression, I want to live life more presently. I want to see something beautiful in nature and just appreciate it without thinking of pulling out my phone for a photo or feeling the need to document everything I do. I just want to do the things I do and enjoy them. Who else feels me out there?

I also enjoy writing here at Garden Gallivanter and sharing pictures on this platform that better tell a story with more thought and reflection. Stories can be beautifully told on Instagram too, but I guess I’m just an old-fashioned gal at heart who prefers using word to write and blogpost to blog. If I had it my way, I would have my typewriter (next on my list of what to bring to France next time I’m back in CA) here and typing this all out and snail mailing to subscribers! Ok, maybe that is a little over doing it. Call me old-fashioned, but I am also a 21^st Century woman ;) Until next time, hopefully à trés bientôt! Ciao!

         Ce qui? <333  Photo: Kevin Ma

*photos by Tiffanie Ma, otherwise noted, or by kind strangers.