A New Beginning

Hello, it’s been too long. I hope you are all doing well after all this time I’ve been away. I’m sorry for disappearing. I never meant to go for so long and wanted to say I’d be back, but wasn’t sure when. Quite simply, I’ve just been living life and not having time or space to write about it. But it’s time again. I’ve missed you guys.  

 

The last time I posted Anthéor, our son, was five months old; next week he will be turning 4! And I will be turning 37 and this past Friday Garden Gallivanter, this blog, turned 14! Sweet Roua, our daughter, turned 5 this past Summer. I am grateful to write that our family is well and the bees are well for the most part. 

So much has changed since my last post, it’s hard to know where to start to share, but like my great 8^th grade English teacher Mrs. Huntzinger said, one of the traits of a good story is that it starts in medias res…right in the middle of it so here I go. 

Roua stopping to draw and we found the pine cones. 

                                     

As we went on our nature walk this morning, I realized just how much I am going to miss living on our little mountain. We set out on our walk, magnifying glasses, colored pencils, nature journal and basket in hand. Our main mission today was to collect pine cones and acorns to make “nature people”. Of course if we saw something interesting we’d stop and draw. The morning was promising as we finally stepped out the door, breakfast eaten, teeth brushed, jackets on. The sun was shining brightly, the air fresh. 

 

My wild babes running through the fields of our home.

I felt so grateful to be walking with my children with not one car in sight, well, one did pass by, but only one. We are quite free here in our little mountain home. How lucky we are to step out and be right in nature. People have to drive great distances to find peace and quiet these days, and here, we get to live that. How lucky we are, I thought to myself as I took in a breath of fresh air, following the excitement of my children. 

 

“Mama, pine cones!!!” exclaimed Roua. “Oh yes, Roua!” I replied equally excited. Just at the turn a few yards from our front door stood a giant pine tree. It’s funny that there are indeed 2 giant pine trees near home, but since it’s mostly oak forest surrounding us we don’t really notice them, ironically. Roua began picking some and putting them in her basket. I bent over to grab a few with relief that we wouldn’t have to drive up to the pine forest outside of the village. It’s amazing what we can discover just outside our front door if we just slow down to look. Sparked by a memory of a recipe of pine needle soda which I have always wanted to try, I asked the tree permission and broke a little tip off the branch covered with pine needles for my experiment. 

 

The piste (dirtroad) in Fall. 

I find myself falling in love with Fall more and more each year. The changing color of the leaves, bright yellows and reds speckling the mountain side. Life slows down. Nature’s harvest is bountiful. As I have written here before, all the greatest events in my life have happened to me during the Fall season, meeting great loves, getting married, moving to another country, getting pregnant for the first time, and now, this Fall, buying a new house, and not just any house!

Jorris and I with Sydney, our agent, at the notary. 

Despite all the papers, we signed electronically, lol.

It's official. We have signed the final papers and received the keys—all of them—Jorris and I are homeowners and landowners, for the first time. It's amazing how far we've come from the first set of keys we were so happy to have open up our first apartment here in France. The multiplication of them is symbolic in and of itself. Ok, now back to the house. It is an enormously magnificent house, an old aristocratic house of the late 19^th century, or so I deduct from one of the old stone steps engraved with 1883. It is three stories with many rooms. It’s more than we would have ever dreamed of and fate just brought us in line with this house. It’s a handsome house with a gorgeous terrace, movie-like in it’s charm. Though she has good bones and standing strong, there is much renovation ahead of us inside. We plan to live in part of it and make part of it a bed and breakfast (chambre d’hôtes or gîte). And, of course, build a brand new honey room from scratch on the land, to do our work, extracting honey, transformation (honey bread anyone?), honey tastings and farm tours. 

Our new house. 

This time last year our colleague mentioned this house and we had never thought of it because what would we ever do with all that space? We were more interested in the land, and as farmers, we had the right to make an offer, since the house is built on agricultural land which is protected here in France. A big company tried to buy it but since it is agricultural land, the sale was stopped by this agency which protects agricultural land. Someone else was interested in the house, so we thought we could buy the land and them the house. We were on vacation at the time, it was around this time last year; there was one more week left before the opportunity to buy would be closed. We no longer heard from the person interested in the house. We were traveling in Morocco at the time and after a few sleepless nights, Jorris said we should just get the house too. 

Last year in Chefchaouen, Morocco. 

It took me some days to agree with the crazy plan, but actually why not? We can renovate and make something beautiful of this space, something lasting and meaningful. This would be a lifelong project, one we could grow old into and pass down to our children. And the big plus, we would be closer to all our friends. Did we dare? Yes we did. After all the what ifs crept in and we squashed them like little gross bugs, we said yes and jumped in. We didn’t squish all the what-if bugs, I don’t think you ever can, but we did make a decision to go for it—and keep squishing them as they arise.

 

It will be a while before we actually move, so we can still enjoy our little mountain top house and all the nature walks still to be had. But I'm looking forward so much to sharing the process of creating this new homestead, bed and breakfast and honeyhouse with you all. With Thanksgiving approaching also next week, mingled in with our birthdays, I am feeling extra grateful to our families and friends for their support, along this journey.

 

Being back here is surreal, something I’ve missed so deeply. Thank you for reading wherever you are. I have so much more to share with you here and will try to post regularly. Until then, stay warm!

In The Thick of It

I rarely have time to make art. Not the painting or drawing type; my art is in my words. At least I try to write here at least once a month, though I have so many ideas and stories I wish to share with you everyday and not enough time to let my fingers type them all out. 

Last month, my mom, brother and brother-in-law were here for a quick visit. It was short and so sweet. We spent some time here cooking (my mom was cooking a storm everyday); then, it was off to the coast in the town of Antibes. There we walked around, had coffees, went to the Picasso museum and a few outdoor markets. It was divine. To be surrounded by people and art and eating out again with others. I felt so alive. 

I got to show my brother-in-law Steven the English bookstore. As the name describes, it’s a bookstore with English books. I stumbled upon an author and book I had heard vaguely about: Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I picked it up and actually finished reading it in 2 days. I haven’t read a book in its entirety in sooooo long. It felt so good and the ideas in that book inspired me in a way I really needed. I really believe that books find us when we need them most and when we are meant to find them. 

That book and the podcast Homemaker Chic as well as other books which have found their way to me have inspired me to make my life art. Simply in the way I care for my children, my husband, my chickens, my home, my plants, my garden; in the food I make. 

I try to make my art here, at least once a month because, eventhough I don’t have much time to indulge in writing, I feel it so crucial to my well-being. Since my family was here, I missed Anthéor’s 4^th month post and then it took me nearly 2 weeks to collect enough eggs from my chickens and to find just the right afternoon with both bairns asleep to dye these eggs from natural materials for the 5th month photoshoot. And then, to plan for the right moment to take these photos also took time. But, that hour or so of time playing in the kitchen with nettle leaves, curcuma, hibiscus, beet juice, coffee, seeing how the eggs changed colors, it felt so exciting to me. I love that stuff. I love co-creating with nature. It gives me such pleasure and joy. I am always astounded by what we can create together. 

 

Instead of posting right after I took the photos, life swept me up again and I was extremely busy in the garden, a happy busy but I barely had time for anything else, so Anthéor’s 5^th blog post was on hold. And now, my Father has been with us which has been so fun and we’ve been wildcrafting together, collecting nettles and elderflowers which are at the glorious height of their bloom. I want to make sirop de sureau this year with the elderflowers. I missed the last two years having been pregnant, but it was nice to harvest with my Dad, Roua and Anthéor. I'm going to make my syrup after I post this! 

Of course, I’ll post this now and in 2 days Anthéor will be 6 months old! But well, better late than never, and you know what, the value is all in the process of creating something, rather than the actual product. I could have given up on this little egg dyeing project and came up with a million excuses about not having enough time, but I choose to keep making art and creating even as a mother, even as a beekeeper’s wife, even as a homemaker. I am all those things, yes, but I am also a creator. So, I must keep on creating, keep the creating fire burning. 

What if we made each moment in our lives artful? I may not be able to capture each moment on camera or in a savvy instagram post, but those things are less and less important to me. These days, I’m all about just being present and really taking in the moment, just enjoying it for what it is.

My art is not just confined to a word document. It can be made in all the ways I create my life and in the type of life I want to create, one brimming with beauty and abundance.  

It takes honesty, time, observation, patience, compassion, forgiveness, hard work...to create art, to create that artful life we wish to lead. As humans we are creative creatures, it’s in our nature to make things. But, as Elizabeth Gilbert reminds us in her book, it also takes light-heartedness and not being so serious about it all. It’s all important and it’s all not so important at the same time. It’s also good to just be a good enough Mom and not a super Mom. This concept is liberating. 

Since finishing this book, I’m looking through life with a new mindset. Somehow this book and the podcast and my garden and spring weather has filled me with new energy and positive spirits. There is so much to do. We are here for a short time. 

This new lens of just getting up and showing up everyday with the right intentions in my heart and doing my best, not only surrendering to the triumphs and woes of Motherhood and Homemaking but embracing it and learning and growing along the way with my children and the garden. What a gift. 

How liberating it is to accept good enough. At least I vacuumed and mopped the floors and maybe I missed a few corners or didn’t get through the whole house or only started folding half the laundry because something else came up, but at least we start something, try something and keep showing up to the work. I’ve been doing little bit of cleaning each day, practicing cultivating those good habits of wiping down tables after each meal etc. those little things that add up throughout the day. And when they are done, I feel so much better, the house feels better, everyone is in a better mood and I can be a good example for Roua and Anthéor. 

I used to be an all or nothing kind of girl. I’ll do it perfectly right or not at all. I’ll clean every corner of the house or not at all. I know better now. I’ll do what I can based on how I feel and how the family feels. Perfect is not the place we grow in. Doing and making messes and being curious and playing and having fun...making mistakes, being imperfect...that’s where we grow in. My curious daughter teaches me this everyday. She shows up to life everyday, curious, undaunted, playful and observant with a joyful heart. I want to have fun like her. I want to have fun with her and Anthéor and Jorris. We get to lead life on such a beautiful canvas, near nature, with some land to tend to and chickens and bees to care for, a place to call home and friends hang out with sometimes. So why not use every ounce of energy to create something beautiful. 

I want to make something as mundane as hanging laundry to dry and folding it an art. I want to create amazing food from nature with my family and friends and for my family and friends. I want to have fun doing it. 

This new thinking has given me courage when I need it most. With Jorris working a lot now that the new bee season well underway, I am managing the fort and kiddos solo often. And, taking care of a toddler and infant all day and night is hard work. But I love it even so. Even though it breaks my back and every corner of my body is aching some days, even though I cry and laugh and yell and say sorry and do it all again the next day, those pockets of beauty and moments of simple pleasure make it so worth it. And for those pockets of anguish and despair that can roll through like a tropical rainstorm, well, they are worth it for that bright sunshine and blue sky afterwards. 

 

I hope you’re feeling the positive energy of Spring too and that it inspires you to create something fun and beautiful. 

Gratitude and Love

Today the mimosas are in bloom as we celebrate our Anthéor’s 3 month birthday.  Spring is really just around the corner. I love it when Jorris comes home with a magnificent bouquet of mimosas from our apiaries on the coast. It reminds me that even while he is really busy, he thinks about me and cuts a bouquet of fresh flowers. Turns out, when dried, they also make great number threes for your baby’s 3-month photoshoot.

The delicate fragrance of the mimosas and their bright yellow ball-shaped flowers make me happy, like the way sunflowers do, except in a more subtle way. The bees also adore them and are currently working on them. Looks like the season will start early this year, with these warm sunny days and mild winter weather we’ve been having. We’ve been so lucky to eat outside in the garden during most the month of January and up until now!

Anthéor is still his smiley self. His cheeks are fuller and now he laughs out loud when you joke with him and give him kisses, or if you gently raise him up and down. He makes less baby dinosaur sounds, more cooing baby sounds, although he still has that dinosaur hand, as you can see. When he gets excited about something, he flails his arms like a baby bird trying to take flight. It’s the cutest thing. He still loves to tell you stories of another life, always with a smile. He enjoys when you sing to him and is always searching for something new to be stimulated by because he gets bored easily.

We’re still going strong with breastfeeding. He loves him some boobie, maybe that explains the cheeks and his long length. His legs hang longer now from the baby carrier, reaching my mid-thigh. His eyes are still light, grayish, hopefully turning green? I love the way he looks at me like I’m all that matters to him in this world. I still love how he holds onto my finger or shirt while he feeds. I love stroking his head gently and caressing his soft feather-like hair. He’s very patient like when I was walking his sister in the stroller and she fell asleep as he woke up and wanted to eat. We were close to home so I asked him to please wait and not cry otherwise his sister would wake up. He did just that and waited.

It’s easy to lose hope and fall into despair with the way the world is these days. At the same time, there is so much to be grateful for and to celebrate, such as our son’s 3^rd month birthday. I look into his eyes and my daugther's everyday and they give me such hope and deep purpose. Still, I send love and light to all the children and people of the world suffering.

Let There Be Light

A few weeks ago Oma, Roua, Anthéor and I left our warm comfy home for a day out in the city. It was mine and Anthéor’s first real outing since he was born 5 weeks ago. The weather was kind with sunshine and made our 1.5 hour drive to the outskirts of Nice possible and enjoyable. On the way there, we made one stop so that I could nurse Anthéor. Other than that, he was a super baby and didn’t cry. Then we arrived to our favorite sandwich shop. I got petit pain au chocolates for Oma, a croissaint for Roua and the garlic baguette, her favorite. And a café eclaireand sandwich au poulet sandwich for myself. 

Of course we can’t forget the cappucino for Oma and san pe for myself. We were set for food and snacks throughout the day. 

The first line of business was our grocery shopping at our favorite organic shop where we also happen to be the vendors of their honey. We know almost everyone in there, not by name, but by face. And so, we were greeted with big smiles and many congratulations for Anthéor. Nearly all the employees said, “I saw the card!” We had also sent them a baby announcement card. The manager even called me over to the office to see where they had hung it. Right in the middle pole of the office and high above. It was touching. 

Next stop was the Action store where Oma got many art supplies and fun things for Roua and her friends. I found some decent looking bowls and noticed we were short of bowls at home so grabbed those. I am happy for taking action about something that bothers me rather than complaining. I had once heard somewhere that if we have to complain about something, we have time to fix it, so I decided to fix our lack of bowls instead of getting annoyed each time I would have to grab one out of the dish washer to wash or reach for one in the cupboard to find none. Our little home life has been happy ever since and everyone has complimented and appreciated the bowls. It’s the little things in life. I had also purchased a floor steamer cleaning machine. Now I am more motivated to clean our home with this tool because the wet rag and feet method were just getting too hard with two little ones. I need something quick and easy and so far this machine proves to be just that. 

Next stop was this home store where I was in search for a new stainless steel pot. I was looking for just a simple pot for soups, pastas, and big enough also for the occasional whole chicken. The one we had was a hand me down by oma and it had served it’s time and purpose. The handle kept breaking off. Talk about a big red danger alert to my mom eyes. There was an accident waiting to happen. I just had a vision of hot boiling water and then a handle breaks and little babes on the ground! Just typing that thought gives me goosebumps! So, it was out with the pot and in with a new one. I am all for trying to fix things first. We had already fixed this handle once. I wasn’t going to wait for an accident. So, with Anthéor in the baby carrier, I walked into the shop and found the pot. It’s been serving us so well, and I have a peace of mind in the kitchen. This is another instance of me taking action instead of complaining. It’s my kitchen and I know what I need. I don’t need approval from anyone. And of course, just as I suspected, the family appreciates the new pot too. 

My new mindset these days has been, “I get to do...” instead of  “I have to do...”. This was inspired by this podcast I listen to called Homemaker Chic, which is awesome and so inspiring. In one of the episodes, Shaye talks about how being a homemaker and mother is so much work, but we are so lucky that we get to do what we do. When we step back from it all and really see the gifts we have, we are so fortunate. We get to tend to our babes and home. We get to have a warm home to live in and take care of. That is such a gift that we get to participate in. And she is so right. I get to stay home and take care of my babes and my home and garden. There are so many artful things to be done, so much learning that can take place by my children and myself and my husband. It’s a unique role to play, this homemaker. And, it’s one of the most important, if not the most important role of my life. 

Truthfully, some moments of the day are so hard to get through and I feel like tossing up my arms and giving up. Raising two babies under two years old is hard. Luckily, my children don’t ask for much, and Roua has quite an independent nature. She already can put on her boots! Backwards sometimes, but still, this helps so much when we are trying to just get out the door. I feel like a ping pong ball most of the day. Meeting the needs of one child and then running to the next. Changing one diaper and then the other. Chasing Roua to get her jacket on with Anthéor in one hand and my cold cup of coffee in the other hand. 

But, I am not alone. Thankfully, I have a community of support. I have my husband, Gaëlle and Laurent, our friends and workers, whom the amazing government pays for as my maternity leave help for a few months. And for three months, I had my belle-mere (mother-in-law), Roua and Anthéor’s Oma. France is so awesome with social services. Both Gaëlle and Laurent have been helping prepare us for the next bee season as well as push Roua in her stroller or hang out with her as I prepare food, or sometimes they help me prepare food as well. Roua loves seeing her Tata (auntie in French) and Tonton (uncle in French) too! They play with her and read to her. She has a good connection with them and some afternoons I can just focus on taking in the laundry from the line with Anthéor in the carrier knowing Roua is in safe hands as she’s being pushed in the stroller for an afternoon nap. It really takes a village, after all! 

Through it all, I am being kind to myself, accepting that I can’t do it all and instead aiming to accomplish just one thing a day. For instance, if the floors need to be mopped, that will be my task for the day. And, if I finish that, I can move onto the next two things (usually I have a list of 3 things I wish to accomplish). But I try not to overwhelm myself, so just focus on the one thing. I am also being kind to and flexible with my family as well. Some days, if the children really need me and extra cuddles for whatever reason, well then, the floor can wait and that’s ok. 

I also aim to enjoy moments throughout the day, finding pockets of peace with little rituals like having a coffee in the sunshine outside in the chair by the chickens, watching something fun on Fridays while the babes nap, watering my houseplants on the weekends, teas throughout the day with supportive happy herbs, yoga and meditation whenever I can and in different forms of it (the other day just appreciating the smell of the mimosa bouquet that my husband brought home for me and the sandalwood candle that I had lit while nursing Anthéor was so relaxing and meditative). 

 It all comes down to intention and choice. Our minds are powerful. 

With the day winding down and a soft pink sunset setting in, we decided to make one more stop at another home store. I needed to nurse Anthéor anyway, and so while I nursed in the parking lot, Oma ran in to search for batteries for the Christmas light garland that she had created on our bookshelf where we hung all the holiday and baby cards we received from friends and family. As simple as it may sound, these were odd battery sizes so we couldn’t find them at the other stores. Laurent had even brought some earlier in the week but they were the wrong size. I had almost given up on this, thinking well, Xmas is over so why bother. But at the back of my heart, I thought how cheery it would be to have those lights work. We still have a long winter to go after all. 

I took a moment to admire the gorgeous sunset while nursing. Soon enough, Oma came back with a jubilant triumphant smile and batteries in her hands. We drove the 1.5 hour road home with happy hearts. And when we got home and put the batteries in, voila there was light! With a little perseverance, we now have a little bit more cheer. 

My post-partum experience this time around was hard. With Roua, we had just one baby to care for, but now, we have two. Gratefully, I had the help of Oma, but mentally, I found myself in some dark places during the first month. This time around I was really missing my parents being here. That’s one of the difficulties about living abroad, you’re so far away from family. I missed my Mom’s warm and nourishing Vietnamese foods and felt a bit upset that she couldn’t come, if only for a few weeks. I felt that once again for the second time she couldn’t be here.

The combination of changing hormones and my tender, healing body added to this feeling of blueness. But, something inside me clicked and I decided not to go down that path of depression, so familiar to me. This isn’t always possible. With depression there are hormone imbalances involved and so much more, so I am not at all saying that one can just choose to be happy and not depressed. It’s not always that simple, and I have been there where I couldn’t choose and had to go through that dark path, but that’s a story for another time perhaps. In this instance though, somehow I was able to choose. Instead of being upset at what things were not (my parents not being here, none of my mom’s food); I chose to be grateful for all the support and willing helping hands I did have right before my eyes (Oma, Jorris, Gaëlle and Laurent). We have our own little unique and beautiful community here, in the middle of no where, and that is something to truly be grateful for and to celebrate. It’s not what I pictured, but still it’s wonderful and I got nearly 30 days of postpartum rest with everyone’s help, especially my beautiful belle-mere. 

There are seasons in our lives where we have to be our own light, where we have to choose to move forward, stepping one foot in front of the other as best we can. There are times where the light of those caring friends and family can be of support and warmth. We can take that and should take that generous offer with gratitude. I was proud that Oma and I didn’t give up on the light garland. For me, it was a symbol of my own choice to choose light over darkness.

 

Our Little Dinosaur

Our little dinosaur is 2 months old today! We call him our little baby dinosaur because he makes little baby dinosaur sounds. If you could hear it, you would know exactly what I’m talking about. And, if you’re thinking “well, Tiff, how do you know what a baby dinosaur sounds like?” as my husband and belle mere (mother-in-law) questioned, just trust me, I know. 

It just so happens that from thousands of miles away on the other side of the world, my dear cousin Connie and Auntie Barbara knew about our son’s dinosaur ways and sent us dinosaur onesies and even a plush dinosaur teddy! Coincidence? I think not. Family just knows and we are just connected that way. 

It’s amazing how much this little guy has changed in just 2 months. Physically, his eyes are darker, not the light blue when he was just born, but they are still light! They are grayish, and I’m hoping they become green like his Papa’s. I love brushing my nose against his soft hair which reminds me of a birds feathers. He’s about 5kg or 11 pounds now! He was 6 pounds and 10 oz at birth. He’s gained 5 pounds in 2 months! Considering how much he loves to breastfeed and how often, I am not surprised. Luckily for me, this means I am moving in the opposite end of the spectrum and losing some of that pregnancy weight (which there’s nothing wrong with by the way!). I could probably do a post about body image and changes later. For now though, I’m just feeling good getting back to some form of Tiffanie I knew. 

Anthéor likes to stand already. He presses his little feet on your thighs and tenses up his legs when you hold him up as you sit. He’s like how Roua was. I suspect he’ll also roll over early. And when you hold him, sometimes he likes to push his legs strongly on your forearm to get his belly right where it feels good to him on your shoulder. He makes these sort of grunting effort sounds at the same time. 

What I love most about Anthéor is how much he smiles. He’s very smiley. His is the kind of smile that melts your heart and makes you teary. Even his eyes smile wide. When you talk to him he smiles and he loves to tell you stories (these stories sounds are different from the dinosaur ones). I love his kind eyes and zen nature. He rarely cries. 

We have a two minute poop rule with him. This means to wait at least two minutes before attempting to change him because most likely, there’s more coming. Experience gives you wisdom.

 He just loves to be near you and is very determined to get there. Sometimes when he is in his co-sleeper (crib connected next to the bed), I’ll turn around and see that he’s inched his way somehow closer to the bed. There’s those little grunting sounds too, along with his efforts to wiggle closer to your warmth. I’m quite surprised by how much “ground” he actually covers so even though he cannot roll over yet, I hesitate to put him down close to any edge of a bed, sofa, table, etc. He just loves to feel your warmth and cuddle and I love that about him. 

As I look down at Anthéor’s face this week, my swaddled ball of warmth and love, I’ve noticed in wonder just how big everything looks from when I had first laid eyes on his tiny squishy face. His ears look bigger, his cheeks more plump and eyes wider, and his little hand looks so much bigger as it grasps my finger while we breastfeed (love when he does this). I kept thinking to myself how much of a “big” boy he’s looking. When I take a pause from the chaos of life in the rocking chair with Anthéor to actually see him in his evolution and listen to his little snore, it is just astounding. Life is just miraculous. So grateful for two months with you my love. I love you so much. Cheers and joyeux moinniversaire (happy month birthday)!!

"Le choix du Roi"

They have a saying here in France, when you have a boy and a girl, “Le choix du roi,” the choice of a king. During the middle ages, a King needed a son to pass on the crown and a daughter to extend the lands and power of the kingdom through marriage. Therefore, to have both a son and daughter was ideal. As a peasant, I am honored to have been gifted the choice kings. We are so rich, for a healthy baby. He was born one month ago, in a pool of water at my mid-wife's home, with the help of his father who caught him. His arrival onto earth was magical. 

His gender was a surprise, we had wanted it that way; but I knew all along he was him. His name is Anthéor. We named him after a pristine place on the coast of the Mediterranean Sea near where we have some of our apiaries over winter. Jorris and I have fond memories of this wondrous place where earlier in our relationship as young wwoofers we’d spend weekends working on the apiaries of our wwoof host Philippe and camped in the J9 (camping car) with a most spectacular view of the sea. Now we have our own hives there and hope to share these memories, which happened what feels like so many moons ago, with our son Anthéor one day.  

We love the way the name sounds too, like a strong knight, courageous and honorable. So far, Anthéor lives up to the strength implied by his name. He kicks his legs and pushes himself on our arms to get up over our shoulders in the position he likes while making a squirmy-cute determined sound. Sometimes, he even stands on our thighs when we hold him upwards. He doesn’t cry very much, only when he is very hungry or wet and cold. He has a calm and sweet spirit. He smiles a lot and often. They tell me the smiles are just tics and he doesn’t know yet why he does them, but I disagree. My son smiles because he is just a happy baby. 

It’s that smile that rekindles my own spirit, one easily bogged down by the combination of sleep-deprivation and the everyday to-dos of caring for another little one and household. Thankfully, Roua, who is one and a half years old, is a great big sister. She adores her brother, caresses him gently and brings him his blanket. She has moments of being clingy towards me, mostly before bedtime, but other than that, she hasn’t shown much signs of jealousy. Watching her interact with him is the most joyful thing to witness.

Anthéor lives up to the chivalrous nature a knight’s name as well, having waited for Mom to celebrate her birthday and have a Thanksgiving meal the next day before coming. I’m sure that nourishing meal shared in fellowship powered me up for birthing him. I had contractions during my birthday Friday, while vintage shopping with the family, and then throughout dinner and movie that night with Jorris, into Thanksgiving lunch the next day Saturday, then the real work began and early the next morning on Sunday he was born. My Mom tells me that I too waited for her to have a last giant Thanksgiving meal at my grandma’s house before I came. 

I wonder if babies are just as nervous and excited as we are when they are about to be born. I imagine so. Imagine diving into a completely unknown world! If my theory is correct, Anthéor is courageous because towards the end few hours of labor, Jorris and I felt him kicking and wiggling about inside, like he was also working to find his way out, brave and ready to see the world that awaited him. I felt like he helped me in a way. 

As we come near to the end of another year, I am feeling reflective. November alone offered us so many opportunities to celebrate. The birth of our son Anthéor, my 33^rd birthday, the 9^th anniversary of this blog, a Thanksgiving meal of our dreams with my American bestie from New York Hilary and her family...the last date night for Jorris and I, at least for the next few years. 

I’m not one for resolutions, but if I have one wish for the new year; it’s to remember how rich we are even in the most challenging moments of parenting when it can be so damn hard to see the kingdom we get to live in, with nature, the bees, a garden, people to call family and friends. I wish to continue cultivating that loving-kindness and patience towards myself and my family, everyday. I wish to be present and remember to enjoy my babies and my husband and garden and home even if there is a pile of dirty laundry on the floor and last night’s dinner dishes in the sink. I wish to choose not to let those little things bother me. It’s ok. There will always be dirty laundry and dishes, but my babies will be babies only for a short time. I want to look back on these baby years when they are 20 and remember us having fun with them rather than complaining about not sleeping enough or eating cold food, or not showering or not having time to do those other things etc. Because I know that by then, I’ll be wishing they were little again so I could hold them as I did when they were babies. So, here’s to savoring these moments gone by too fast. Santé to you and yours. Happy New Year. Thank you for being here, always. 

 

A New Season Awaits

There’s nothing more humbling than a warm bowl of homemade butternut squash soup and some crusty sourdough bread. Oh wait, there is! If that butternut squash came from your garden and the sourdough bread is from your own starter. I had this such experience the other night with my Roua baby; well, I suppose she is technically a toddler now?!??? But, in any case, I still love calling her my Roua baby. 

Papa was away working with the bees in the Lavender fields. Sometimes, like that night, he camps over so he can get work done over two days, checking on our other daughters and their Mamas and the brood babies. So, it was just Roua and I, like many times over the summer actually, just the two of us, well, technically, it was the three of us. 

Yes, three! Roua and I and baby in my belly enjoyed our first butternut squash soup of the season. I am 29 weeks pregnant, just into the beginning of my 3^rd trimester. Baby was just as happy with the soup I suppose, as I felt little kicks, between sips of smooth soup (thanks to my new blender toy Jorris gifted us as a 3^rd wedding anniversary present) and bites of toasted seeded-sourdough bread slathered with butter. I’ve been experimenting with adding seeds again to my breads and this particular combination of pumpkin, flax and poppy seeds is especially wholesome and fragrantly delicious. I think it’s mostly the pumpkin seeds being toasted that add such flavor. Roua mimicked me as I dunked my bread into the soup before a bite. Of course we saved a bowl for Papa. 

The earth has been good to us and offered a beautiful bounty of pumpkins and butternut, corn, tomatoes, courgette, zinnias, cosmos and sunflowers...my favorite were the success of the sunflowers this year (thanks Sophie!). It was a small garden. We kept it simple; mostly because I could only do so much with my growing belly and a toddler to care for, but we enjoyed so much of our garden and thank her for all the food and lessons she has provided us. 

 

The sunflowers, who I had transplanted as baby plants which I got from my friend Sophie, struggled in the beginning, but my oh my have they established themselves and bloomed in such glory. They have been my greatest teacher this summer. I had planted them around June and patiently waited until September, watering and caring for them until they got tall and I could see little yellow petals peeking out of the green bud. I remained patient. Some moments I felt they would never bloom, but deep down I knew better. Mother Nature knows better. Then, the first bloom appeared on a day when I was having a hard time. I didn’t expect it at all and just happened to wander into the garden and the moment I saw that sunflower just magically like that, bright and yellow, I was reminded to cheer up and stay hopeful, that there is always beauty brewing and bountiful, we just have to be patient and believe. 

 

Despite the small size of our garden, I had never planted and gardened with such intention and thoughtfulness into where and what I planted. It was a giant milestone of an experience, a maturation as a gardener, I suppose. I envisioned how the white cosmos would grow in community next to the zinnias and why I wanted to plant it where I did, sort of at the entrance of the garden as to be inviting. And it turned out to be just that and this one plant of white zinnias has taken off and added such beauty to our land. Their purity and positive energy make me happy each time I enter the garden, and Roua adores them too, as she does all flowers and the butterflies who visit them. And of course, the garden plans herself as well and Mother Nature crafts gorgeous pockets of flowers and vegetables that I could have never imagined on my own. 

We also got chickens this summer! They have been such a delight. We have four for now and they are well-behaved and gift us their most delicious eggs for omelets, mayo, red fried rice, and pancakes, just to name a few delicious things we make with them. We got them from our neighbors Lolita and Dorian. They were their favorites but they didn’t want to mix them with the other new flock, so after careful consideration, offered us to be their new family and we gratefully accepted. The chicken house mansion, which my beau pere (father-in-law) built last year, is now put to use! We now have a chicken house with chickens! I love watching Roua interact with them. She helps me feed them food scraps and is about their size so it’s adorable to watch her waddle around and try to pet them. 

This week actually she has been successful at gently caressing one of the brown ones and the chicken stopped moving and spread her wings and Roua petted her so sweetly with her fingers spread wide and palm stroking the soft feathers. She managed to do it again another day and that time, laid her head gently on the chicken’s body. It was the sweetest thing to witness, my baby being so kind and sweet to another being. I had a proud parent moment. 

The bees have been good to us this season. They have made a lot of honey and we are so thankful. It’s been an intense period of juggling work and family life and couple life; but it’s September, fall is approaching and life is slowing down a bit so we can spend more time together. 

Still some preparations before baby arrives, and hopefully a little family holiday before then. I can’t wait to see Roua as a big sister. She’ll be amazing. She already blows baby raspberry kisses on my belly and gently pets my belly when she notices it. It’ll be so tender to see Jorris as Papa to a newborn again and for us to have a cozy winter together, nestled by our woodstove with homemade crusty sourdough bread and soup. Until then, I can patiently wait and savor this pregnancy, especially each little kick and wiggle I feel inside this abundantly amazing belly and body I am so honored to embody.

Cheers to you, thank you for being here, and may a new fall season invite you too to slow down and enjoy your family!