A few weeks ago Oma, Roua, Anthéor and I left our warm comfy home for a day out in the city. It was mine and Anthéor’s first real outing since he was born 5 weeks ago. The weather was kind with sunshine and made our 1.5 hour drive to the outskirts of Nice possible and enjoyable. On the way there, we made one stop so that I could nurse Anthéor. Other than that, he was a super baby and didn’t cry. Then we arrived to our favorite sandwich shop. I got petit pain au chocolates for Oma, a croissaint for Roua and the garlic baguette, her favorite. And a café eclaireand sandwich au poulet sandwich for myself.
Of course we can’t forget the cappucino for Oma and san pe for myself. We were set for food and snacks throughout the day.
The first line of business was our grocery shopping at our favorite organic shop where we also happen to be the vendors of their honey. We know almost everyone in there, not by name, but by face. And so, we were greeted with big smiles and many congratulations for Anthéor. Nearly all the employees said, “I saw the card!” We had also sent them a baby announcement card. The manager even called me over to the office to see where they had hung it. Right in the middle pole of the office and high above. It was touching.
Next stop was the Action store where Oma got many art supplies and fun things for Roua and her friends. I found some decent looking bowls and noticed we were short of bowls at home so grabbed those. I am happy for taking action about something that bothers me rather than complaining. I had once heard somewhere that if we have to complain about something, we have time to fix it, so I decided to fix our lack of bowls instead of getting annoyed each time I would have to grab one out of the dish washer to wash or reach for one in the cupboard to find none. Our little home life has been happy ever since and everyone has complimented and appreciated the bowls. It’s the little things in life. I had also purchased a floor steamer cleaning machine. Now I am more motivated to clean our home with this tool because the wet rag and feet method were just getting too hard with two little ones. I need something quick and easy and so far this machine proves to be just that.
Next stop was this home store where I was in search for a new stainless steel pot. I was looking for just a simple pot for soups, pastas, and big enough also for the occasional whole chicken. The one we had was a hand me down by oma and it had served it’s time and purpose. The handle kept breaking off. Talk about a big red danger alert to my mom eyes. There was an accident waiting to happen. I just had a vision of hot boiling water and then a handle breaks and little babes on the ground! Just typing that thought gives me goosebumps! So, it was out with the pot and in with a new one. I am all for trying to fix things first. We had already fixed this handle once. I wasn’t going to wait for an accident. So, with Anthéor in the baby carrier, I walked into the shop and found the pot. It’s been serving us so well, and I have a peace of mind in the kitchen. This is another instance of me taking action instead of complaining. It’s my kitchen and I know what I need. I don’t need approval from anyone. And of course, just as I suspected, the family appreciates the new pot too.
My new mindset these days has been, “I get to do...” instead of “I have to do...”. This was inspired by this podcast I listen to called Homemaker Chic, which is awesome and so inspiring. In one of the episodes, Shaye talks about how being a homemaker and mother is so much work, but we are so lucky that we get to do what we do. When we step back from it all and really see the gifts we have, we are so fortunate. We get to tend to our babes and home. We get to have a warm home to live in and take care of. That is such a gift that we get to participate in. And she is so right. I get to stay home and take care of my babes and my home and garden. There are so many artful things to be done, so much learning that can take place by my children and myself and my husband. It’s a unique role to play, this homemaker. And, it’s one of the most important, if not the most important role of my life.
Truthfully, some moments of the day are so hard to get through and I feel like tossing up my arms and giving up. Raising two babies under two years old is hard. Luckily, my children don’t ask for much, and Roua has quite an independent nature. She already can put on her boots! Backwards sometimes, but still, this helps so much when we are trying to just get out the door. I feel like a ping pong ball most of the day. Meeting the needs of one child and then running to the next. Changing one diaper and then the other. Chasing Roua to get her jacket on with Anthéor in one hand and my cold cup of coffee in the other hand.
But, I am not alone. Thankfully, I have a community of support. I have my husband, Gaëlle and Laurent, our friends and workers, whom the amazing government pays for as my maternity leave help for a few months. And for three months, I had my belle-mere (mother-in-law), Roua and Anthéor’s Oma. France is so awesome with social services. Both Gaëlle and Laurent have been helping prepare us for the next bee season as well as push Roua in her stroller or hang out with her as I prepare food, or sometimes they help me prepare food as well. Roua loves seeing her Tata (auntie in French) and Tonton (uncle in French) too! They play with her and read to her. She has a good connection with them and some afternoons I can just focus on taking in the laundry from the line with Anthéor in the carrier knowing Roua is in safe hands as she’s being pushed in the stroller for an afternoon nap. It really takes a village, after all!
Through it all, I am being kind to myself, accepting that I can’t do it all and instead aiming to accomplish just one thing a day. For instance, if the floors need to be mopped, that will be my task for the day. And, if I finish that, I can move onto the next two things (usually I have a list of 3 things I wish to accomplish). But I try not to overwhelm myself, so just focus on the one thing. I am also being kind to and flexible with my family as well. Some days, if the children really need me and extra cuddles for whatever reason, well then, the floor can wait and that’s ok.
I also aim to enjoy moments throughout the day, finding pockets of peace with little rituals like having a coffee in the sunshine outside in the chair by the chickens, watching something fun on Fridays while the babes nap, watering my houseplants on the weekends, teas throughout the day with supportive happy herbs, yoga and meditation whenever I can and in different forms of it (the other day just appreciating the smell of the mimosa bouquet that my husband brought home for me and the sandalwood candle that I had lit while nursing Anthéor was so relaxing and meditative).
With the day winding down and a soft pink sunset setting in, we decided to make one more stop at another home store. I needed to nurse Anthéor anyway, and so while I nursed in the parking lot, Oma ran in to search for batteries for the Christmas light garland that she had created on our bookshelf where we hung all the holiday and baby cards we received from friends and family. As simple as it may sound, these were odd battery sizes so we couldn’t find them at the other stores. Laurent had even brought some earlier in the week but they were the wrong size. I had almost given up on this, thinking well, Xmas is over so why bother. But at the back of my heart, I thought how cheery it would be to have those lights work. We still have a long winter to go after all.
I took a moment to admire the gorgeous sunset while nursing. Soon enough, Oma came back with a jubilant triumphant smile and batteries in her hands. We drove the 1.5 hour road home with happy hearts. And when we got home and put the batteries in, voila there was light! With a little perseverance, we now have a little bit more cheer.
My post-partum experience this time around was hard. With Roua, we had just one baby to care for, but now, we have two. Gratefully, I had the help of Oma, but mentally, I found myself in some dark places during the first month. This time around I was really missing my parents being here. That’s one of the difficulties about living abroad, you’re so far away from family. I missed my Mom’s warm and nourishing Vietnamese foods and felt a bit upset that she couldn’t come, if only for a few weeks. I felt that once again for the second time she couldn’t be here.
The combination of changing hormones and my tender, healing body added to this feeling of blueness. But, something inside me clicked and I decided not to go down that path of depression, so familiar to me. This isn’t always possible. With depression there are hormone imbalances involved and so much more, so I am not at all saying that one can just choose to be happy and not depressed. It’s not always that simple, and I have been there where I couldn’t choose and had to go through that dark path, but that’s a story for another time perhaps. In this instance though, somehow I was able to choose. Instead of being upset at what things were not (my parents not being here, none of my mom’s food); I chose to be grateful for all the support and willing helping hands I did have right before my eyes (Oma, Jorris, Gaëlle and Laurent). We have our own little unique and beautiful community here, in the middle of no where, and that is something to truly be grateful for and to celebrate. It’s not what I pictured, but still it’s wonderful and I got nearly 30 days of postpartum rest with everyone’s help, especially my beautiful belle-mere.
There are seasons in our lives where we have to be our own light, where we have to choose to move forward, stepping one foot in front of the other as best we can. There are times where the light of those caring friends and family can be of support and warmth. We can take that and should take that generous offer with gratitude. I was proud that Oma and I didn’t give up on the light garland. For me, it was a symbol of my own choice to choose light over darkness.
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