Happy Spring! We've been so busy living life, in our home, out in our garden....keeping up with it all and starting a season anew. Our second beekeeping season of Au Septieme Miel has begun and with that our garden. Oma, Roua's grandma, ma belle-mere (mother-in-law), is here with us from Holland and with her grace and love, I have the privilege of time for myself, shower, slow-drip Vietnamese coffee, yoga and writing this blog. Roua sleeps in her stroller in the garden as Oma works. I hear her singing songs in French to Roua and the clinking of the garden trowel against the rocky soil we have here. It's been on my mind for so long to write here. I miss being here at Garden Gallivanter. Finally, here I am with high spirits. So much has happened, and I've chosen to live mindfully with my fullest presence to my family, which is why I haven't been able to share here as I love to do. Do forgive me for the long absence. We are well and happy. I suppose I should just fill you in quickly, catch you up to speed with what life has been like these last few months, or at least draw a rough picture. While I haven't been writing here at Garden Gallivanter, I always write in my black notebook, so I thought I'd just write some entries here, bullet points really, and elaborate on some which I couldn't finish at that time. So here is a short re-cap:
December 19th, 2020 Los Angeles International Airport, Los Angeles, CA, USA
Made it to Los Angeles! So happy to be home! Embracing my Mom was the best feeling.
Today is Roua’s first Christmas! Merry Christmas from Azusa, CA. We are at Nene’s house. The Christmas tree sparkles day and night with greens, reds and blues...Roua loves staring at it. Chill day together. Kevin and Steven are with us and Grandpa Ma from Texas. My heart is so happy!
December 30th, 2020
Royal Oak, Michigan, USA
Roua stands up pulling herself up for the first time! She used Uncle Kevin and Steven’s coffee table! Jorris and I caught on camera the 2nd time. It was amazing. She is so strong!!!
January 4th, 2021 Azusa, California, USA
Roua eats carrot puree for first time! Her first “solid” at Nene’s house! Sweet moment to share this “first” for Roua with my Mom.
January 10th 2021
Los Angeles International Airport, Los Angeles, California, USA
It happened in the same place exactly 1 year and 8 months ago where I said goodbye to my parents in a not so nice way, hurried off up the escalator to the zone non-ticketed people couldn’t travel to, not turning back for one last look and wave. Nope, I was too proud, tired, stubborn and stupid. The stress at the ticket counter over heavy bags and shifting weight around, yelling at my parents and the Norwegian Air desk woman, actually, more at my parents than at her which was so unfair....I had gone back to LA for not one but two Grandmothers’ funerals. It was intense. I kept strong for my grandmas, for my family, fighting through jet lag, emotions, etc, the passing of Grandpa Ma just a few months ago in February was still raw and I was still processing that on top of all this, so finally this was the catalyst of my pain and I broke, but wasn’t brave enough to take that pain on my own yet, so had to drag my parents down too when all they had been was loving and welcoming of me.
Had I known the future that a pandemic would hit the world and soon our lives as we knew it would change so drastically and that I wouldn’t see them again until a year and a half later, I would have behaved so differently.
Of course, how can we ever see these things until it’s too late. The biggest lessons in life are sometimes the most painful, often seen only through the lens of hindsight.
This trip back home has healed so many wounds. Becoming a mother has made me so much more mature and understanding. I found little ways to make my Mom’s house more cozy and just took action, a rug here, some flowers there. Jorris and I found necessary projects around the house to help her with. We ate exquisite meals together, family-style, tastes of my childhood, each bite nourished my soul and brought me back to life again. My Mom was so sweet and cooked every waking moment and while she was cooking she was thinking of what to cook next! All while carrying Roua in the baby carrier and talking to her in Vietnamese. Oh the joy! This is where I had dreamed of being for so many months! I savour the moment. We squeezed a lot into 3 weeks. Spending time in LA, then flying to se my brother and brother-in-law’s new home in Michigan. It was Jorris’ first time to the mid-west, and of course Roua’s too. Roua was stellar on the plane rides, 6 total!! I was so proud of my girl. We had lots of boobie and she slept and played. Through those 3 weeks she had many firsts: starting purees, crawling, pulling herself up to stand with support of a table, two little bottom teeth popped through. We saw family in small visits to my Mom’s house where we were staying. With each of my aunts', uncles' and cousins' hugs I felt more and more reinvigorated. And introducing them to Roua was so fun and exciting for everyone. Going to book stores was soooo fun!! I got so many books for Roua and I, English books!!!
So proud of how we really savoured each moment, Jorris, Roua and I....how Jorris and my Mom’s relationship healed and mine and my parents’ too.
This time, at the same spot at LAX International Airport, the tears were of joy and gratitude for the beautiful time we got to spend together and all those hoops and barriers traveling during covid were worth it. I allowed myself to hold my Mom close and tight and cried. She cried too. And I felt a heaviness lift from my heart. We got onto the escalator to the zone where non-ticketed people are not allowed and this time Jorris and I and Roua turned to wave one more time at Nene before she walked away. My heart was happy and filled. I was re-energeized to do anything now, most of all, to be the best mom for Roua. At least one of my pains was healed so she wouldn’t have to bear it later. At least those tears I and I alone had shed. My Mom told me a saying in Vietnamese, “ Tears fall downwards”...we pass on our sadness and tramas to our children, this I thought as we sat in our seats on the plane ready for take off, at least Roua would be free of. And I felt proud of myself about it. I maintained my energy well throughout our trip, I felt, keeping things flowing well between everyone and it worked! Our intentions and thoughtfulness matter.
January 22nd/23rd, 2021 Wankdorf, Switzerland
Here for the weekend visiting Ton Ton (Uncle) Valentijn and Zia (Aunt)Benny! What a fun road trip! Roua did amazingly and slept most the drive with pit stops for eating and diaper changes...she had a few driving lessons herself...what gorgeous scenery on our road trip and the alps here are so grand and stunning. Will visit Tata Lisbeth in Alsace this weekend all together for lunch and Anne Sophie will be there!
February 5th, 2021 St. Leger, France
Yesterday Jorris found our beloved Bodhi dead by the area of the honeyroom entrance. It was tragic. I was with Roua on the sofa when he told me.
Bodhi looked beautiful and handsome, lying against the pole. He looked as if he were napping. We don't know how we died. He has no visual marks of injury. Perhaps a wild boar attacked him or a car hit him and he suffered from internal injuries? We were in Switzerland and our neighbors were keeping an eye on him.
I cried. We buried him by the apiary here in St. Leger. Life is so fragile, every changing. Never will Bodhi pop through his cat door while I'm brushing my teeth, or lounge by the woodstove on the sofa curled beside us.
Bodhi was kind, sweet, loving and brave. He liked Roua and was gentle with her even when she pulled on his fur. He will be missed so deeply.
That evening, I had an appointment to talk with my best friend back in the states. I was tired from crying, just had dinner and had put Roua to bed, so was a little meh, but still made the effort to be there for the call and learned the wonderful news that she is pregnant! And, I jumped up form my slouching in elation and jubilation!
Life is beautiful. Nature is balanced.
March 9th, 2021 St. Leger, France
Roua receives her American passport in the mail after we had applied a few weeks ago at the US Consulate in Marseille! Now she has two passports and is officially a dual-citizen of France and the US.
On that note...cheers to more adventures to come....
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